Leon van Nierop
2 minute read
26 Jul 2015
8:00 am

Entourage movie review (trailer)

Leon van Nierop

Do the names Vincent, Eric, Turtle, Johnny and Ari mean anything to you? No?

Then you might be as bored and clueless as I was when I saw the film. Also as offended by this group of foul-mouthed egoists as the audience I saw it with in Australia. Of the seven people in the cinema, four left during the film – especially during the scenes where Eric (Connolly) couldn’t keep his zipper up. Or Kevin Dillon as a character named Johnny Drama recited vulgar wise-cracks. And I wondered how much longer the remaining people could stomach the stone-faced indifference of Jeremy Piven’s arrogant Ari, the frequent drug-taking by almost everybody who casts an evil shadow or the array of superstars who give the heroes the middle finger. Literally.

If ever I suffered through to the end of the film the same way Alex suffered through the inappropriate scenes he was shown tied to a chair with his eyes spiked open in A Clockwork Orange, this was it. This film is based on the well-known and popular American TV-series based on Mike Wahlberg’s apparently real-life experiences. If you watched that series and loved the below-the-belt and loud-mouthed cool-as-a-cucumber wisecracks, drug-taking, orgies and self-centred behaviour of despicable characters, you will obviously enjoy this film. And it is your full right.

But anybody who has never met these uncouth rogues may prefer a root-canal treatment or Chinese water torture to actually sitting through to the end. Perhaps the film portrays what really happens in Hollywood, but do we really have to pay to participate?

Scantily clad girls who wiggle their buxom bottoms towards the camera and burst out of their bikinis (this is their only function), might provide eye-candy, but what else are they doing there? Add to that rude dialogue spewing forth from the mouths of men so self-centred they give new meaning to the word narcissism, and cameos by egocentric stars who are, oh, so aware of their star status and this film turns into a nightmare. But then I might be completely alone in my assessment of the debatable charm of these dudes or their influence at the box office.

The film didn’t fare too well in America (or any other country for that matter) which proved audiences might have had enough of the entourage’s crude adventures. So beware: If you don’t know these men from Adam and couldn’t care less whether Vincent can direct a movie or whether Ari can get him the best studio deal, you might agree.

I actually applauded at the end when the titles rolled up out of gratitude that this piece of Hollywood torture finally ended. May I never be subjected to this film ever, ever again.