Lara Bestbier
4 minute read
1 Mar 2018
10:12 am

10 ways to say ‘I love you’ to your children

Lara Bestbier

'Love felt by the parent does not automatically translate into love experienced by the child.'

Picture: iStock

There’s no doubt about it – a mother’s love is unconditional. It’s a big kind of love, the kind that makes your heart want to burst.

But, life is busy. And sometimes life, in all it’s hustle and bustle, can interfere with how we demonstrate our love towards our children. It’s not that we don’t feel it, it’s just that we often struggle to find the energy to muster up more than a quick (and often routine) “I love you”.

Of course, “I love you” is one of those things that can’t be said enough. But children need more. They need touch, play and acts of kindness.

Actions speak louder than words, and, when it comes to children, it’s actions that make them feel safe and loved.

Like esteemed psychologist Gabor Mate says: “Love felt by the parent does not automatically translate into love experienced by the child.” It takes conscious effort, day in and day out, to make sure that your children know just how much you love them.

Here are 10 ways to show your children just how much you love them:

1. Little moments can add up to lots of love

We often rush through mornings like drill sergeants, forgetting to reconnect with our children after a long night’s sleep. A good morning hug, kiss on the cheek or high-five will only take a few seconds, and is a great way to affirm your love to your child before the start of a busy day.

2. Spend one-on-one time together

Spending time alone with each child will do wonders for your bond, while filling up their love tanks (Plus, there will be less need to fight for your attention). This is especially important for my eldest (and possibly for yours), and allows us to reconnect without her younger sibling invading our space.

Picture: Thinkstock

Picture: Thinkstock

3. Pure, undivided attention

Try to give your kids 10 minutes of pure, undivided attention each day. Talk to them, play with them or just ‘be’ without any interruptions (In other words, put down your phone and pay attention to your child).

4. Pull out their baby pics

I have yet to meet a child who doesn’t love hearing their birth story, or about how cute they were when they were a baby. Reminiscing about their ‘baby days’ is a great way to remind them how much joy they’ve brought to your life. If you can’t see yourself retelling their birth story for the one hundredth time, why not whip out your own baby albums, and recount stories from your childhood!

family, picnic

Picture: iStock

5. Laugh it out

The other day, my mom and kids collapsed into a fit of giggles on the couch. When I asked what was so funny, my mom said: “Nothing, we’re just laughing”. Sometimes, all you need to do is have a good laugh – even if it’s at the silliest thing. Laughing is good for the soul, and a great way to get the love flowing.

6. Send them a message

If your child has a cell phone, send them a message to let them know that you love them and are thinking of them. Sure, they’ll probably roll their eyes, but it’s guaranteed to top up their love tank a notch.


7. Invite them into your world

Invite them into your world to learn something new about you. Tell them about your favourite TV show, or invite them to do pilates or yoga with you.

8. Make bath time fun instead of just rushing through it!

Add bubbles, haul out the bath toys and splash around with them for a few minutes.

Mother with kids running outdoor | Thinkstock

Picture: Thinkstock

9. Respond to all those “Look at me!” demands you hear throughout the day

I know sometimes you literally want to pull your hair out if you hear another “Mom, look at me!” – but did you ever stop to think that those ‘look at me’ cries are your child’s way of asking for your approval and encouragement? When you look (and, I mean really look), your child soaks it up. Encouraged to try again (because mom is looking), they push themselves harder and their self-confidence blossoms.

10. Create habits or traditions that encourage family ‘togetherness’

If you ask my four-year-old daughter what her favourite meal is, she’ll say “pizza”. And it’s not because she likes the actual meal (In fact, I battle to get her to finish one slice). Her favourite food is pizza because she knows that pizza means family time. Every Friday night, we order pizza and sit on the lounge floor together. We eat pizza, build puzzles and watch silly YouTube videos. It’s a weekly habit, that’s turned into an act of togetherness and love for her.

Brought to you by All4Women

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