Few people who regularly follow FailArmy on YouTube will admit to the fact. After all, it is a means to watch and derive amusement from other people’s falls, crashes and subsequent injuries.
This writer will freely say it – I watch FailArmy, and laugh until I hurt. I am very old and allowed to be mean before I die.
My all-time favourite FailArmy insert involves a guy in Monaco who decides to perform a doughnut with his Ferrari Testarossa at a posh flea market.
He does half a doughnut, tyre smoke and all, after which the red car regains traction and blasts forwards like a missile. It crashes through a shop front and proceeds almost right through the establishment.
The shop stocked incredibly expensive glass chandeliers, Ming vases, Rolex watches, oil paintings and intricate hand crafted glass statues.
The car owner, who was promptly informed he had effectively just purchased R50 million worth of merchandise, is shown with his head in his hands, clearly too disturbed for words.
My damaging incident with the BMW 220i Coupe M Sport was not as fancy, but still disturbing. Instead of Monaco, it happened near Delmas, at the N12 highway offramp to the Red Star Raceway.
As I took the offramp, a paint tin fell off a truck in the left hand lane, bounced once and hit the Beemer on the left front while I watched, aghast. By the time I had stopped and shuddered at the damage, the truck was long gone.
Making it doubly sad, I had loved driving the BMW until that moment of impact. For one thing, it is handsome.
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BMW got it right
Normally, road cars do not impress me, but BMW really got the details on this one right. The fact that the coupe body effectively reduces the vehicle to a two-seater matters not – this is decidedly not a family saloon. It will be bought for its style, looks and panache.
Also, for its driving pleasure. That starts with its four-cylinder, 1 998 cc, turbocharged petrol engine, that produces 135 kW of power between 5 000 and 6 500 rpm, plus 300 Nm of torque between 1 350 and 4 000rpm. It goes to the rear wheels via an eight-speed Steptronic transmission.
The BMW 220i Coupe M Sport is 4 537 mm long, 1 838 mm wide, 1 390 mm high, has a wheelbase of 2741mm and a turning circle of 11.1m.
The package sits on 19-inch spoked alloy wheels, in 225/40 R19 rubber front and 255/35 R19 rear.
The 220i boasts a wide range of active safety equipment, like daytime running lights, directional turning headlights, ABS with brake assist, traction control, stability control, hill descent control, park distance control, tyre pressure monitor, lane departure warning and blind spot warning.
If, despite all of that, you still crash heavily, there are six front and curtain airbags to keep occupants healthy.
BMW comfort at its best
Inside, the BMW 220i Coupe M Sport has everything that can click, bang, bleep, or speak to satellites.
The list includes automatic climate control air conditioning, a multi-function steering wheel, an onboard computer, a navigation system, a controls interface screen with head-up display, adaptive cruise control, Bluetooth and auto-dim exterior retractable mirrors.
With a gross vehicle mass of 1 965 kg the 220i Coupe does not aspire to be a race car, but the wide torque range gives it serious urgency when required.
BMW says it will accelerate from standstill to 100 km/h in 7.5 seconds with a top speed of 236 km/h, and we have no reason to question the figures.
It feels right
More importantly, it feels right. It is taut, with precise, instant steering response, lots of grip and great steering feedback.
The car invites you to blast into corners just a little bit too quickly, sail through problem-free and congratulate yourself on your impeccable car control. This, at my age, could prove deadly, but still irresistible.
During the test, we averaged a fuel consumption figure of 8.2 L/100 km, without trying to drive frugally.
At R772 590 the BMW 220i Coupe M Sport comes with a two-year/unlimited distance warranty, and a five-year/100 000 km maintenance plan.
For more information on the BMW 220i, visit the manufacturer’s website.