News | Opinion
Collective nouns have always been somewhat of a mystery.
Who on earth decided that a bunch of geese are a gaggle? And where did a bevy of beauties originate?
In primary school, we were forced to learn them but to this day, I do not know what the collective noun for collective nouns is.
A crowd of collective nouns? Or perhaps a caravan of collective nouns?
Be that as it may, I was highly offended to hear that, as a species, our current biggest ambition is to achieve herd immunity against the coronavirus.
Herd immunity? Really? When did we become a herd? I was under the impression a herd is a group of cattle.
If we are a herd, does that, by implication, make my wife a cow? Somebody could lose a few front teeth if they try that one on her.
A herd is usually led by an alpha male who assumes that position because of his strength, courage, and ability to protect his herd.
If only we were a herd and had a leader with such qualities.
But no, I reckon a more suitable term for us in our fight against the coronavirus would be flock immunity.
Let’s be honest, the majority of the population does behave like a flock of sheep, kept in their place not by a strong leader, but by a pack of dogs.
Either way, a herd and a flock are both defined by the way they act and by their leadership.
By the same token, we could also decide to rather aim for cluster immunity. After all, that is the collective noun for mushrooms.
And we all know the joke about mushroom treatment: being kept in the dark and fed you-know-what.
But then there is a growing number of individuals who believe that the draconian lockdown rules which have been in place in varying degrees for almost a year now are testament to the fact that we have indeed slipped into a police state.
If that is the case, I suggest we agree to all strive for Cele immunity against the virus.
I don’t know what else we can call it, because there is no collective noun for a group of morons.
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