A satirical letter by Tracy Kensey

Dear Civil Servants,
I am writing to you from the edge of the grand canyon currently located at the intersection of Tana Road and Lingerette Avenue in Sunninghill. I am not writing to demand a reinstatement – because clearly, that would be rushing a masterpiece – but rather to congratulate your department on achieving absolute perfection in the fine art of all stall in the hall.

Read more: JRA begins removing Lombardy Road rubble

When the municipal teams first arrived months ago to excavate our road, we naive residents assumed it was for a routine repair. How silly of us. We now realise it was a performance art piece. Since the workers packed up and vanished, the hole left behind has graduated from a simple road defect to a registered historical landmark. It is quite clear that the required reinstatement paperwork has been safely filed in the wild, never to trouble a human eye again.

Navigating this intersection daily has brought wonderful excitement to our commutes. Avoiding the open cavern while turning the corner has turned into a high-stakes obstacle course. Just yesterday, I watched a delivery vehicle try to navigate the ridge – an exquisite display of a blunder under the thunder as the driver attempted to keep his axle intact while under the pressure of oncoming traffic.

Every time the neighborhood attempts to log a ticket or call for an update, we are treated to a magnificent desk-to-desk trek. Your customer care agents are master wordsmiths, beautifully executing the classic pass the blame to the name routine. First, we are told it is a Johannesburg Water issue, then, it is handed over to Johannesburg Roads Agency, eventually, we are told the entire matter is trapped in a system freeze squeeze probably because a specific computer in a specific office has run out of bytes.

Also read: Councillor calls out JW for rotten Sunninghill excavation

The patience of the Sunninghill community is truly experiencing the endless wait at the gate. We have seen seasons change, we have seen the traffic queues resembling mall parking, yet the trench remains entirely untouched. An eternal monument to more queue than view.

Could you please let us know if we should expect a reinstatement team by the turn of the decade, or should we officially apply to have the Tana and Lingerette intersection renamed to Dysfunction Junction? We would love to plan an anniversary party for the hole, provided your staff can spare a moment from their busy schedules of acknowledging escalations

Yours in eternal suspension.
Tracy Kensey, Suncom Suburb Manager

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