Makoti – A synonym for slave?

There’s no doubt the silly season has arrived.

During this time, many take well-deserved breaks to recuperate and to rest from a year of labour.

While some will pack up and head to their favourite destinations, others prefer spending their holidays at “home”.

Well, if you’re a makoti [daughter-in-law] to someone, this time of the year can be the exact opposite for you. In fact, it can be depressing.

My stomach goes into knots when the bosses start handing out leave forms for the December holidays.

I get anxious because this is a reminder that while everybody else kicks off their shoes and slips into holiday mode, I have to awaken the super woman in me and prepare her for the weeks to follow.

I know many women who do not look forward to this time of the year because of the amount of stress it brings them.

As umakoti, one has to make sure all the family members and their visitors are fed throughout the day. Besides being up before anyone else to make sure there is enough hot water and prepare breakfast, there is also lunch and supper.

If your husband is from a big family, then you know being on your feet all day is the norm.

I recently read a piece by Lupi Ngcayisa. In the piece, posted on Facebook, Ngcayisa refers to the practice of ukukotiza as abuse. He further called on husbands to call their families into order and put a stop to the patriarchal practice disguised as cultural ritual and right of passage.

I could not agree more.

While families are different in their treatment of aboMakoti, I do believe that attitudes need to be fixed.

AboMakoti will agree with me that once you arrive at the village you hit the ground running.

There’s breakfast to be prepared for everyone, then lunch preparations commence, after which dishes are done and then you need to get supper going.

Personally, I find the whole exercise to be exhausting. I know I speak for my fellow makoti’s when I say by the time one returns to work in the first week of January, one is more tired than before they left for the “holidays”.

Husbands, if you don’t stand up for your wife, no one will. If she ends up resenting your loved ones because you failed to protect her, that’s on you.

Above all, wives, love your in-laws. Show them respect always, they are after all, thy parents too.

I find at times that immediate in-laws are usually laid back when it comes to this practice. It is usually members of extended families who are yet to understand that men marry wives not maids.