I’m not sure how I feel, but I have no fear. Okay, I’m lying to myself. Or maybe it’s just anxiety. I don’t know. I’m not sure.
It’s been a crazy year, in every dimension of my life.
So much has changed.
Most of the changes have been good.
I’ve lost friends and I’ve gained some. I have little or no regret in many cases. I take it as a sign that I’m moving forward positively.
And coming to this point where I’m about to spend the next six weeks laying the foundations for my future, I am quite glad at how things have turned out.
I can, with confidence, say that I’m ready to start writing my finals. I’m prepared.
Lately I’ve been asking my fellow learners what motivates them to achieve the marks they desire. Often the answer has been “Ah, I haven’t found one yet.”
I don’t know if that is a good position to be in at this point, mainly because I feel like I’m at this level of readiness because of the factors that have motivated me for the past five months or so.
But I guess ultimately success depends on the amount of work you put in, whether or not you have a muse.
It hasn’t been smooth sailing. I started the year off like I did every year, which is anti-productive.
And when things became ‘real’ for me, I felt hopeless.
However, I didn’t feel hapless because I knew that the fault was in me and only I could change the path I was crawling on.
My biggest fear was failing the year.
I think back, then the fear was justified because the way I was carrying myself in certain subjects was dangerous. I hardly studied and when I did it was always 24 hours before the test.
But in retrospect, my desire to do well had always been there – it was just the procrastination that overwhelmed me.
I remember the pivotal stage. The critical development where I had to make the correct decision and stick to it.
I had done terribly in my first term. The universities were visiting and after every presentation I felt my hopes and dreams dissipating further and further into non-existence.
I remember getting home and staring at my report mark. I was frightened.
I stood there in my room for a good hour, trying to figure out how things got this bad. I had to decide; carry on like this and let myself (because it had always been about me deciding to achieve) be a failure or change now while there was still time to drag my dreams back into reality.
I am glad I made the right decision, because here I am, just a few months away from opening that newspaper and seeing a couple of distinctions next to my name.
A few months away from walking into that university, getting closer and closer to reaching the career that I chose for myself.
The progression I have made in the past five months is astounding.
I’ve always had potential. My biggest obstacle was procrastination and complacency.
But I’m done with the former and the latter is almost dead.
I’ve gone from a student who feared failing to a one who fears not getting enough distinctions. But then again, it’s all up to me and I’m putting in the work.
Before I end off, I’d like to say that I wish that my school achieves a 100% pass rate, something that has been missing for the past two or three years.
And I’d also like to see every matric achieve everything that they worked towards because I know we all have dreams and aspirations to become something worthwhile in this little time that we have on this earth.
It doesn’t end here, but starts now.
We are the class of 2013. This is our time. Let’s make success inevitable.
Wiseman Ndwandwe
Springs Boys’ High School.
