Alexandra men confront emotional roots of GBV
At an Indoda Wednesday dialogue in Marlboro Park, Alexandra men opened up about healing and the dangerous link between unresolved trauma and gender-based violence.
Men from Alexandra came together at Marlboro Park for an Indoda Wednesday dialogue—a space created for men to confront the community’s plaguing issue of gender-based violence (GBV).
In their recent session, held on June 18, the attendees did not focus on punishment or blame, but on personal healing. They explored how unresolved emotional wounds, particularly from past romantic relationships, can fester into toxic behaviours that fuel GBV.
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The dialogue encouraged men to reflect on their experiences of disappointment and heartbreak, and how these emotions, when left unaddressed, can manifest as control, aggression, or entitlement in future relationships.
FAN Champions for Change manager Charles Mphephu cautioned men against undermining the impact of disappointments in previous relationships. He noted that disappointments could contribute to GBV. “If a person was hurt in their previous relationship and did not get help, they did not heal. Then they just jump to another relationship.”
He shared how unhealed trauma could lead to possessiveness, noting that, “If you were cheated on in the previous relationship, in the new one, that person [your partner] is going to bear the fruits of the previous partner who cheated.” He further explained that mistrust might lead one to trace their partner’s phone, constantly worrying about their whereabouts and who they talked to.
Mphephu also addressed the dangerous sense of entitlement some men feel after investing emotionally or financially in a relationship. “That’s why some women are killed by their ex-boyfriends when they try to move on. They assume they spent a lot of money on that person and feel entitled to them.”
The dialogue emphasised the importance of seeking help, such as counselling and peer support, to fast-track healing and prevent emotional pain from turning into violence, and further exacerbating the scourge of GBV in Alexandra.
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