I was woken abruptly at 5.30am this morning by some noisy neighbours having a very loud meeting in the greenbelt. Very rude and inconsiderate being a Saturday I thought, but also illegal. So I phoned my neighbourhood patrol vehicle and asked him to please get them to disperse. Unfortunately he said that there was nothing he could do as hadedas were free to come and go as they pleased and besides, he didn’t speak hadeda anyway!
This got me thinking about the last three weeks of work Skype meetings with my colleagues and how painful they can be. So painful that I am slowly losing the will to live. In every meeting there is always at least one “Veronica Video” person – you know the one who forgets to switch off their camera so you can see up their nostrils and count their nostril hairs one by one. Their hair has also not been brushed for days so they are starting to look a bit like a scary homeless person who hasn’t had a bath or changed their clothes in three days!
Then there is always that “Late Lesley” person – the one who won’t keep their Skype open on their computer as they are concerned about conspiracy hackers attacking their laptop which means that they never hear the Skype ring tone. So you have to text them to get them to join the meeting and they join half way through and then don’t have a cooking clue what is going on so end up asking a question that was asked 10 minutes ago. (Normally at this point I quietly get up and go trade my water glass for some tea – okay so a G and tea to be a little more specific!)
On every call there is also an “Audio Annie” person – the one that you can hear but they can’t hear you so they spend most of the meeting saying “Hello” repeatedly. And then when you ask them a question the audio feedback is so bad that it sounds like they are speaking fluent underwater Swahili with a mouth full of alcoholic marshmallows! It is at that point that I normally trade the G & T for a pair of heated pliers as I have proven it is less painful to remove my toenails one by one without an anesthetic than endure the rest of the meeting.
Lastly, you have the “Missing Mike” person. There is always one of those who barely attends any meeting and no one has a cooking clue where they are. You try texting them and phoning them but nada! They are just totally MIA. Personally I think they are the clever ones – they are probably lying on a lounger at the pool reading a book while sipping on a glass of chilled crisp white wine laughing at the rest of us “Loyal Lindas” who show up on time!
When all this is over I plan on throwing an “end-of-Skype-meetings” party. Only real people allowed with no laptops. Oh and bring alcohol – lots of alcohol as my stash is depleting. The struggle is real I tell you!
Disclaimer: All names have been changed to protect innocent colleagues involved!
Missed some of the other Corona Chronicles? Check them out here:
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Corona Chronicles: Lockdown’s become a puzzle
Corona Chronicles: New dress sense during lockdown
Corona Chronicles: How to manage household chores during lockdown
Corona Chronicles: Attempt to re-create Mozambican holiday doesn’t go to plan
Corona Chronicles: Lockdown eating habits
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