Corona Chronicles: Worry over wine stock after husband accidentally breaks three bottles

– Opinion –

So it’s only been eight full days of the hostage situation, which means 13 whole more days to go – which kind of got my panties in a bit of a bunch.

My toilet paper stock levels are just peachy perfect, but I am starting to worry about my wine stock levels. As you probably know, I am quite partial to the odd glass of crushed grapes in the evening, so I upped my stock levels a little just before lockdown. (Okay, okay – so I upped them by three times!). And then along came HP (Husband Person) and managed to break three of my wine bottles while cleaning out the garage! Unfortunately my reaction to that had to be censored, but suffice to say that I am currently busy with a new project – digging a six-foot hole in the garden.

And this is not the first time he has been famous when it comes to depriving me of wine! Once, en route to a camping trip at Cape Vidal, he announced that he had forgotten to pack my box of wine and I was to be ‘wineless’ for the duration of the holiday. Well, apart from that being immediate grounds for divorce, it was made worse by the fact that the only possible place to stop to try buy wine was Empangeni, but it was a Sunday and the province didn’t sell alcohol on a Sunday at the time. Fortunately for him, it was also 5pm on the 31st of December and the local supermarket sneakily opened their wine section for the last hour of the day to cater for New Year revellers. Okay so the choices weren’t that great, but I did find some fairly drinkable bottles that were a little bit above paint stripper level!

But back to my current predicament, and despite every effort, training my cat to steal neighbours’ wine bottles is NOT going well. And when I went to the supermarket yesterday, I had to take a minute to collect myself as the entire wine aisle has been replaced by flavoured water. Completely heart wrenching, I tell you – brought tears to my little eyes.

So is there anyone out there prepared to swap wine for toilet paper? Alternatively I could also swap HP’s whisky for wine? All offers most welcome!

Also read: Corona Chronicles: Witty Joburg resident documents past five days of social distancing