STRUWWELPETER is jammer dat ons ‘n man soos Mandela verloor het – maar hy is ook bly dat hy uit sy leiding verlos is.
Nelson Mandela en Jan Smuts – twee van die grootste seuns van Suid Afrika – het nogal heelwat in gemeen: Albei het arm grootgeword, albei was prokereurs, en albei was beskeie mense. Albei was eerlik. Albei het wêreldberoemd geword, maar het verkies om ‘n beskeie leefstyl te handhaaf. En nee, geeneen van die twee het dit nodig gevind om soos windgatte deur rooi ligte te jaag in konvooie van blou ligte en gillende sirens nie.
En nou, vir diegene wat met BEE moet saamleef, ‘n paar wenke:
LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION: Phineas Dlamini.
1. Phineas Dlamini, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2. hard at work in his cubicle. Phineas works independently, without
3. wasting company time talking to colleagues. Phineas never
4. thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5. finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6. meausures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7. breaks. Phineas is an individual who has absolutely no
8. vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9. knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Phineas can be
10. classed as a high-calibre employee, the type that cannot be
11. dispensed with. Consequently, I truly recommend that Phineas be
12. promoted to executive management, and that the proposal be
13. executed as soon as possible.
Addendum:
The idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote this report.
Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines in sequence.
(Thanks Ken)
***
‘n Interessante ope brief wat aan Die Burgemeester van Tshwane geskryf is deur Sunette Bridges:
TO: Executive Mayor Cllr Kgosientso Ramokgopa,
I am aware of the fact that you have been embroiled in lengthy legal battles with various organisations that want to prevent you from changing the name of Pretoria to Tshwane. I find this extremly disturbing and I do not agree with these organisations at all.
As a proud descendant of the Boer Nation that founded this once beautiful, first world city, I have to insist that you change the name to Tshwane as soon as possible.
I personally think it is an insult to the legacy of my proud forefathers that this hell hole of a third world slum should bear the name of the Pretorius family. I am of the opinion that it would be much more fitting for all the remnants of what was once Pretoria, to be named after the ancestors of the people reponsible for its collapse. The Boer People have no interest in being associated with the filthy, crime ridden streets and the parks and squares that now reek of urine and decay.
I sincerly hope that you will kindly on my request to no longer insult the name and legacy of the proud people who built this city, but do the right thing and name it after the ancestors of those who destroyed it.
Kind Regards
Sunette Bridges.
***
Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny’s father to ask him for her hand. Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, “Mr Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.”
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, “Well Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you live?”
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, “In Jenn’s room. It’s bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely.”
Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, “ Okay, then how will you live? You’re not old enough to get a job. You’ll need to support Jenny.”
Again, Bruce instantly replies, “Our allowance, Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That’s about 60 bucks a month, so that should do us just fine.”
Mr. Smith is impressed Bruce has put so much thought into this. “Well Bruce, it seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question: What will you do if the two of you should have little children of your own?”
Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, “Well, we’ve been lucky so far.”
Mr. Smith no longer thinks Bruce is adorable.
Enjoy the festive season!
Struwwelpeter
December 19, 2013.
