ABOUT a century ago, a little man called Adolf Shicklgruber was born in Austria.
He was not very bright, had minimal education and made a living painting houses. However, he had one outstanding quality: he could make rousing speeches.
He soon changed his name to Adolf Hitler – presumably because it is much easier to shout “Heil Hitler” than “Heil Schicklgruber”?
And then he started stirring up the poor and the jobless. The rest is history.
Julius Malema seems to have learnt a great deal from Hitler: make rousing speeches, promise the poor what they want, and keep it simple. For instance, “We will take back all the white land that was stolen from us”.
Political commentators believe that Malema’s party will win between 3 and 10% of the vote. Certainly, he will end up in parliament. Expect some noisy debates!
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Best comment of this decade: “Negotiating with Robert Mugabe is like playing chess with a pigeon. It struts around the board, knocks all the pieces over and then craps on them.” – Vladimir Putin
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Struwwelpeter is amused by the African Zionist preacher who tried (unsuccessfully) to claim R250 million from the state “for praying the rain away” during the World Cup soccer. This man has to be the biggest chancer ever!
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New bumper sticker: “Dried Testicles of Rhino Poachers Will Cure AIDS”
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A medical friend was telling Struwwelpeter about the peppery little Scottish professor he had as a medical student. One day the prof was doing ward rounds, with his students in tow. He offended on some point of protocol, and the matron came and berated him in front of his students.
When she had finished he said to her: “Matron, ma prrrescription for you is that ye be taken oot once a month and rrreaped!”
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Julius Malema has gone to court to have the word “blacklisted” banned. Required to state his case, Julius said:
“This racist word is demoralising for the blacks of this country! How can you put people on a list just because they’re black? Why not put whites on a list also?”
The Judge, after looking pained and after thinking for a minute, said: “Whites are on a separate list, they are called taxpayer.”
(Thanks BJ).
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Struwwelpeter is indebted to his friend Mariano Castrillon for the following:
There was a crooked man
And he had a crooked style
And he a had a crooked walk
And a crooked little smile
And his eyes were independent
Even though they seemed quite dead
And he had a little shower
Perched on his misshapen head
And he had a merry gang
Who would do all that he asked
Even blocking our poor Thuli
In the work she had been tasked
Does it need a crooked man
To run so many crooked scams?
When it seems all of the ANC
Are silent as the lambs
Even though they are the first
To point out other people’s faults
They are running round and stuffing
Lots of money into vaults
They know the banks aren’t safe
Because they plan to nationalise
And to put their money in those
Institutions won’t be wise
So their money goes to Austria
And Switzerland as well
The toll roads are their pension
While the country goes to hell
They would rather rule a dung heap
Than a pleasant happy land
And the voters, oh the voters
Put their heads deep in the sand
They will make their mark as usual
And then warn the ANC
That they’d better fix things up
Or there’ll be trouble, wait and see
So after the elections
There’ll be tyres all ablaze
There’ll be rubber bullets flying
And an almond smelling haze
As the cops deploy the teargas
And the people choke and cry
And the rubber turns to metal
And the people fall and die
But you know it’s only five years
Then they’ll get another turn
And the ANC will feed them
While the cities slowly burn
So there was a crooked man
The world was quiet as a mouse
While he went and spent more millions
On his crooked little house
