AN interesting comment from an American expert about the new Chinese range of twin-hulled aircraft carriers:
“This is a quantum leap above anything we have on the drawing board. They have thought outside the box on this one. Better speed, larger capacity, much more stable, etc.
“Definitely a blue-water long reach vessel. Plus they can service their nuke sub fleet in-between the twin hulls (sight unseen) or even launch amphibious ops from same. It will be launched in half the time it takes the USA at just one-third the cost.
“Add the new Chinese stealth fighter bomber (naval version already flight-testing) in the mix and you have the makings of a formidable weapons system indeed. Also look at that extra ‘parking and readiness’ station between both hull structures. And of course the launching and landing capabilities from the utilisation of twin flight decks at once.
“Six of these vessels (two pacific, two Atlantic, one Indian Ocean and one on the Mediterranean Sea) would be a pretty good diplomatic ‘big stick’. Note: the Chinese are already drilling for oil off Cuba, Brazil and Venezuela. Can they build a fleet of these things?
“A few facts – the Chinese have completed the world’s biggest dam (three gorges), the world’s longest over-water bridge (65 times as much steel as in the Eiffel Tower), constructed a 15 000 ft high rail road into Tibet (all considered major engineering feats).
“China is the only nation other than Russia that can launch men into outer space (our capability ended with the last space shuttle launch this month). They have also shot down a surveillance satellite (one of their own) from the ground. Plus, they ‘own our ass’ in the international debt game.
“China ‘s new carrier could be twice as fast as anything we have, plus the stability of a catamaran type hull will greatly reduce the pitching, yawing and swaying common to our present designs.
“Do you still want to say: Junk made in China?”
* * *
Herewith a little bit of dry British humour that dates from 1943.
It is authentic – Struwwelpeter has a faded transcript of the original :
H.M. EMBASSY
MOSCOW
Lord Pombroke
The Foreign Office
LONDON
6th April 1943
My dear Reggie
In these dark days man tends to look for little shafts of light that spill from Heaven. My days are probably darker than yours, and I need, heaven knows I do, all the light I can get.
But I am a decent fellow, and I do not want to be mean and selfish about what brightness is shed upon me from time to time. So I propose to share with you a tiny flash that has illuminated my sombre life and tell you that God has given me a new Turkish colleague whose card tells me that he is called Mustapha Kunt.
We all feel like that, Reggie, now and then, especially when spring is upon us, but few of us would care to put it on our cards. It takes a Turk to do that.
Sir Archibald Clerk Kerr
H.M. Ambassador
* * *
If there was a shred of doubt that the world (or at least the EU) is totally insane, this should remove it.
Pythagoras’ Theory: 24 words.
The Lord’s Prayer: 66 words.
Archimedes’ Principle: 67 words.
The Ten Commandments: 179 words.
Gettysburg Address: 286 words.
US Declaration of Independence: 1 300 words.
US Constitution with all 27 Amendments: 7 818 words.
European Union (EU) Regulations on the Sale of Cabbages: 26 911 words.
SO WHAT HAS CHANGED?
“What good fortune for those in power that the people do not think.” Adolf Hitler, 1933
* * *
A husband went to the police station to file a missing person report for his missing wife:
Husband: “I lost my wife, she went shopping and hasn’t come back yet.”
Inspector: “What is her height?”
Husband: “I never checked.”
Inspector: “Colour of eyes?”
Husband: “Never noticed.”
Inspector: “Colour of hair?”
Husband: “Changes according to season.”
Inspector: “What was she wearing?”
Husband: “Not sure. It may have been a dress or maybe a suit.”
Inspector: “Was she driving?”
Husband: “Yes.”
Inspector: “Tell me the type and colour of the car?”
Husband: “A black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. It has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions. It has a very thin scratch on the front left door.”
And then the husband started crying.
Inspector: “Don’t worry, sir, we will find your car.”
* * *
Quickie in the bushes:
There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.
They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.
The angel tells them: “As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you’ve wished to do the most.”
He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.
The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensue.
After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.
The angel tells them: ‘Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?”
He asks her: “Shall we?”
She eagerly replies: ‘Oh, yes, let’s! But let’s change positions. This time, I’ll hold the pigeon down and you crap on its head.”
