Ladysmith Town Council announced that the Town Hall guns will be moved for “extra” mayoral parking.
The guns placed at strategic locations around the Town Hall are to be relocated to two community parks close to the Klipriver bridge -the so-called Wimpy park and the yet to be named park across the river.
The guns are to be moved to allow “right-sizing” of the area which according to Council resolution 2014/04/01, as presented to council by the Lirpa Sloof committee on heritage preservation earlier this month, has not been done since 1994.
Basically said one official, it is time to “de-colonialize the Town Hall”.
Once the guns and other historical paraphernalia have been moved, two parking bays complete with all-weather protection awnings, will be erected to provide parking for two mayoral department courier vehicles. Two Lexus GS460’s which will have bullet-proof glass windows and Kevlar armoured shielding to protect its occupants are conservatively priced at R2.6m each.
They will be used to transport the mayor and deputy mayor into so called “Red – Zones”  or “no-go-zones.”
Council unanimously approved not only the purchase of the two vehicles but the moving of the guns as well. Total expenditure on the project known in internal secret council memos as project “Sloof” is a whopping R15.72m.
This includes the ‘plans’ of a bunker to be built under the Town Hall. Because of the national key-points act we are unable to disclose the actual costs involved in constructing the bunker which would in the event of civil unrest house the mayor, deputy mayor and key members of their respective families.
Explaining the move, an official stressed the guns and their values have not been ignored and great thought went into their relocation.
“We are not heartless, the scenario of the gun movement was taken after much deliberation and in keeping with the historical significance of our town.”
Council resolved under council resolution 2014/04/01 as amended by the bylaw pertaining to project “Sloof” passed by the Lirpa Sloof committee that the guns will be placed facing each other with the Boer 6 inch Creusot – fortress  gun, a replica of the one used on Pepworth Hill to bombard Ladysmith during the siege. It was known amongst Boer and Brit alike as “Long Tom” to face across the river at the new park.
This, while the two 6.3 inch Howitzers known as “Castor and Pollux,” will be placed in the soon to be completed “Anglo Park”.
The Wimpy park, never an official name will be renamed the “Boer Park.” The most contentious move is the moving of the 7.7cm Neuer Art 1896 model German Army Field Guns which are placed in Queen Street next to the Town Hall.
These two guns were used at the beginning of World War 1. Eight of these guns were used by the German Forces in South West Africa. These two were brought back to Ladysmith by Natal Carbineers serving with the 8th Horse regiment after taking South West Africa. They will join the Long Tom gun in the “Boer Park” in its new home. The aim is to keep the Anglo vs Boer/German theme going.
This will included the planting of several indigenous German trees and plants in the park.
An outraged Liz Spritely speaking on behalf of the Ladysmith Historical Society complained about the lack of consultation.
“We are the guardians of the town’s history, yet the moving of the guns is kept secret from us. We now hear of the mayoral bunker which sources say will cost close to R20m to build and that this will be constructed under the Siegetown Museum.”
“We have appealed for answers as to where the museums artefacts will be stored during construction but this has fallen of deaf ears.”
At the time of going to press the Mayoral spokesperson declined to comment stating that the matter was in the hands of the Lirpa Sloof committee and that as it could become a national key-point issues they did not need to justify the action.
Story will be updated shortly:

THIS STORY IS AN APRIL FOOL HOAX.

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