Monday Muse: Garden Gnome thefts prompt fears of a coup
"Nobody steals garden gnomes. At a certain time, they all become alive..."
Gnomeo, Gnomee, wherefore art thou Gnomeo? That is the cry of many Dundee residents who have fallen victim to the garden gnome thief or thieves.
Several gnomes have been reported missing from homes on Grey Street and in other areas of town. Last week, a local security company found some gnomes abandoned next to the road.
The question many are asking is why? Is it possible that unscrupulous gardeners want to sabotage opposition gardeners as they seek to own the best garden in town? Nicking a few garden gnomes from the opposition’s lawn may be a good ploy…
Or maybe the gnomes are resold to equally unscrupulous dealers – a bit like how the town was stripped some years ago of drain lids, street signs and crash barriers in exchange for cash following a spike in the scrap metal price.
However, a more sinister theory has now been put forward. “Nobody steals garden gnomes. At a certain time, they all become alive and escape their gardens. It is caused by certain Wi-Fi rays….. they told me… I know these things.” So said a source close to Coronation Park.
It has now been said that the gnomes may even be plotting a coup in the town. “It could be that these gnomes feel used and uncared for. I mean, when last did you see a gnome owner buying his or her gnome a present or taking the said gnome to a Wimpy for a treat? I think they are fed up and are hitting back.” said the source, sipping cold liquid from a green bottle, while leaning against a tree in the Coronation Park.
Another gnome expert, Johann Blackbeard, told the Courier that they may be even plotting a take over at the Kremlin on Victoria Street.
“We are so used to marches here, we won’t even notice a few gnomes dancing around, burning garden leaves. The tear gas will go over their heads and so will the rubber bullets.” It is known that should a coup indeed happen, the gnomes would want to adopt humans as pets. They will also want their gnome Mayor to drive around in a Gnome Mobile. So be careful – rather look after your gnome and do not let him be stolen…
