Fidler in the Hood: Pontefract cakes – elixirs of life

HI FRIENDS, Romans and countrymen. Bend (sic) me your ears! What a week for people like you and me. In case you are perhaps unaware, here’s the big news: The online version of the ‘Bonus’ has gained international recognition.

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Your friendly neighbourhood newspaper is now on a level pegging with the Times of London, the Washington Post and, hold your breath, the ‘Pontefract and Castleford Express’. Make yourself a cuppa and read on. I recently wrote about the delights of Pontefract cakes and how beneficial they are to one’s health. The main heading had to be shortened to ‘Liquorice is good for you’, which, of course, it is definitely is not. However, good old ‘Pontes’ are the elixir for a healthy life. Big difference. I thought nothing more about my carefully-crafted feel good article – as one old-hand newspaper sage said ‘This week’s news is next week’s fish ’n chips wrapping paper.’ Cheek!

You’ve been framed

Earlier in the week I received an email from Nick Frame, a reporter for the Pontefract and Castleford Express in good old Yorkshire, saying he had been alerted that Pontefract cakes had made news here on the Hibiscus Coast and could I shed any light on this phenomenon?

He continued that he wanted to cover the story, asking things like do South Africans really like ‘Pontes’, who am I, when and why did I come to South Africa, what is my age, am I really a Manchester City supporter?

I tried to answer as honestly as I could: Yes, S’Africans love ‘Pontes’, when we can get them at the local sweet shops; I came out to the Beloved Country with Jan van Riebeck on the ‘Titanic’, vowing never again to face any more ice-bound, freezing cold, miserable UK weather. How old am I? Sorry, but that comes under the Official Secrets Act, but somewhere around the 40 mark, I think; Manchester City? What a daft question!

Where’s Uvongo?

Nick asked what and where is Uvongo? I had to tell him “Nick, Uvongo (and the Hibiscus Coast) is the centre of the universe; impervious to any kind of political turmoil here, there or anywhere; where everything in the garden is rosy, where everything works like clockwork, the sun shines every day and Pontefract cakes make life so much richer.” Okay, a bit over the top, friends, but I’m sure most will agree with most of my Utopian theory. He intimated that if the story breaks over there in Pontefract and Castleford, it would be more than likely that the BBC, SkyTV News, CNN, and Springbok Radio will converge on Uvongo for a more in-depth coverage of Pontefract cakes. Also, Nick added that it was highly likely that I might have to travel to London to meet HM the Queen for high tea and Pontefract cakes; perhaps a lucrative lecture on ‘Pontefract Cakes – how they have contributed to world peace.’ A book, maybe? All this, thanks to Pontefract cakes!

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The Girl From Tiger Bay

After a week’s daydreaming of fame and fortune, the weekend was rounded off with another ‘Night Under the Stars’ concert at the Azalea Hall. This time, we were treated to ‘An Evening with Shirley Bassey’ starring Tonya Koenderman. The expression ‘Close Your Eyes and Think of England’ is also accorded to Tonya Koenderman, whose voice, style and interpretation of Shirley Bassey’s many great hit numbers were quite superb. A case of ‘Close Your Eyes and Think of Shirley Bassey’, Tonya established a wonderful rapport narrating the life and career of ‘Our Shirley’ to an appreciative audience. A great performer, Tonya had style, voice and personality during her 90-minute show. A highlight of the evening was Tonya’s vamping your scribe with her rendition of ‘Hey, Big Spender’ (from the show Sweet Charity). Not sure if I was the proper target, as I’m not, unfortunately, quite the big spender as in the good old days! I did offer to share my Pontefract cakes with Tonya as a sign of things to come and made her an offer she couldn’t refuse: becoming her booking agent and starting with a four-week cabaret in Dubai. Eat your heart out, Liz Curran. See you, Rob.

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