The ups and downs of blended families

A blended family involves spouses bringing  their children into their new relationship and blending  the two families to make on big happy family. This entails the children of one or both of the parents and at the best of times blending your families involves a lot of hard work.

Issues born from blended families

Counsellors spend a lot of time working with families trying to navigate some of the issues that arise from blended families. Challenges that affect blended families mainly stem from different backgrounds that individuals come from and when different families are blended into one, there will be challenges if they don’t share the same beliefs, morals and values.”

Communication is power

And so how can one manage to merge the different backgrounds and value systems to create a harmonious family? Communication is very key in building and maintaining a happy blended family. Encourage an environment where family members are comfortable with communicating their feelings, whether happy or in conflict. It’s important to communicate the  reasons for  the blended family’s dysfunction and finding the way forward to resolve the problem. It’s also important to identify a neutral person that can assist in times of conflict by facilitating the conversation for a resolution, this could be a family member or a friend. Seeking intervention from a neutral person like a professional counsellor who is not going to be biased in resolving the problem might help.

Balancing the interests of my children and your new spouse

Sometimes women find it difficult in finding a balancing act between the interests of all the members of the family unit, especially her children and the new spouse including the spouses’ children. The only way to balance the interest of your children and your spouse from a second marriage is by creating a family bond. This is achievable when the family spends some time together, to get to know one another, to respect and stand together in challenging and happy times. Sharing those special memories as a family helps to balance the family. That is why it is important to make deliberate efforts in creating opportunities and activities for the family to bond.

Instilling discipline

It is important for both parents to be making the effort in creating one big harmonious family including instilling discipline within the home. Both parents need to come to the table in enforcing discipline across the board among all the children involved. But this is a process and won’t happen overnight. Take it one step at a time, do not rush or force children to accept changes in the family, it will happen eventually, if there is a need to involve a counsellor, the family should consider seeking help from one. There are going to be challenges because you’ll be dealing with different characters, there may be resistance for acceptance of new developments from some of the children, that’s why the intervention of a professional might help the family.

Dealing with the former spouses and other parents

Dealing with  former spouses and family members can be emotionally draining and can put pressure on the new family. It is important to establish boundaries for outside members on how they have access to your new family and how to handle any conflict that may come. It’s possible to feel overwhelmed when dealing with these challenges, and it recommended to seek professional help from a counsellor to provide a neutral outlook and advise on how to handle the challenge with the former spouse and other family members .

Estate planning

It’s always important to always consider the future as well, especially instances of unforeseen circumstances like death where issues can arise around estate planning may arise. That’s why it is advisable to have open conversations with a legal advisor who will help you to plan your estate according to your wishes and taking into consideration all members of your new family.