Clear rules for cohabitation prevent relationship breakdowns, says Ngidi
Patrick Ngidi highlights how the lack of defined expectations in informal living arrangements often turns minor differences into major conflicts, calling on couples to formalise their partnerships for stability and harmony.
The local Men’s Forum in Ward 81 is shifting the conversation on relationships by encouraging couples to adopt cohabitation agreements before moving in together.
Patrick Ngidi, a psychology graduate and a Men’s Forum representative, regularly raises the issue during Indoda Wednesday sessions, arguing that many domestic conflicts stem from unspoken rules and mismatched expectations in informal setups.
Read more: Men’s forum pushes cohabitation agreements to curb gender-based violence in Alexandra
Ngidi noted that relationships often began smoothly, but challenges emerged once couples started sharing a living space without clear boundaries. “We are also taking the issue of cohabitation, in view of this GBV, because oftentimes when people meet for the first time, everything will be hunky-dory and everything will be rosy, but eventually, or gradually, you find out there are some differences within the relationship,” he explained.
A common pattern, according to Ngidi, is the impulsive and often secretive nature of these arrangements. Many couples move in together without informing their families back home, leaving them without external guidance or accountability when issues arise.
He said that when misunderstandings and differences surfaced, the absence of clear rules frequently led to conflict. Without agreed-upon terms, small disagreements quickly escalate. Community patrollers are frequently called in to intervene in fights, which further strains relationships and creates divisions within households and the broader community.
To address this, the forum is actively promoting cohabitation agreements as a practical tool. These documents spell out the terms and conditions of shared living, from financial responsibilities and asset protection to household roles and conflict resolution mechanisms. Ngidi described them as straightforward contracts that help couples manage expectations from the outset.
Also read: Forum shines light on elderly abuse in Alexandra
“Hence, we are also advocating for people to know about this cohabitation agreement. It outlines all the terms and conditions when you are entered into that kind of a contract, so to speak, as you will be living together.”
Ngidi said that by normalising these agreements, the Men’s Forum hoped to reduce the confusion, resentment, and triggers that often led to tension. He emphasised that the goal was not to replace romance with paperwork, but to build stronger partnerships equipped to handle real-life pressures.
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