Are you a caregiver or caretaker?
There are crucial differences between caretaking and caregiving and you will notice: the healthier and happier your relationship, the more you are caregiving rather than caretaking.
For those who thought that being a caregiver and a caretaker is the same thing, Toughlove Benoni facilitator Chantal Grotto shared some insight into what care is all about.
• Caregiving: An expression of kindness and love.
• Caretaking: A dysfunctional, learned behaviour that can be changed.
There are crucial differences between caretaking and caregiving and you will notice: the healthier and happier your relationship, the more you are caregiving rather than caretaking.
You can view caretaking and caregiving on a continuum. We usually aren’t doing both at the same time.
We want to change so we can experience more peace, more contentment and more fulfilling relationships. The people in your life may resist your healthier actions, but modelling caregiving is a huge gift you are giving to your loved ones.
Here are some key differences between caretaking and caregiving:
• Caretaking feels stressful, exhausting and frustrating. Caregiving feels right and feels like love. It re-energises and inspires you.
• Caretaking crosses boundaries. Caregiving honours them.
• Caretaking takes from the recipient or gives with strings attached; caregiving gives freely.
• Caretakers don’t practice self-care because they mistakenly believe it is a selfish act.
• Caregivers practice self-care unabashedly because they know that keeping themselves happy enables them to be of service to others.
• Caretakers worry; caregivers take action and solve problems.
• Caretakers think they know what is best for others; caregivers only know what is best for themselves.
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“As with changing any behaviour, becoming aware of it is the first step. Watch yourself next time you are with someone and ask yourself where you fall on the continuum,” Grotto explained.
“It will take some work to change and you may experience some resistance and fear in the process, but what is on the other side is well worth the struggles of transformation.”
Contact Toughlove at toughlove.org.za, Facebook – Toughlove South Africa or Instagram – Toughlove South Africa.
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