Why father figures matter

With the country celebrating Father’s Day on June 15, Boksburg Advertiser spoke to a few locals about the effects of growing up without the active presence of a father figure.

Some, whose biological fathers were not present in their lives, said other father figures, such as stepfathers, uncles, grandfathers and even teachers, church leaders and sports coaches played a vital role in their upbringing.

Matema Phoshoko, of Dawn City, is currently completing her practical as a social auxiliary worker.
While she had an absent biological father, she appreciates the role played by her uncle, who stepped in and extended support, love and care to her while growing up with her extended family at her grandparents’ home.

“To me, an active present father figure is very important as it plays a huge role in our lives. These roles range from guidance to emotional and financial support – and protection against some of the evils of the world.
“I’ve been in households where there is a father figure and the children’s upbringing is good and they tend to fare well in life. Yes, in my case, I didn’t have a biological father’s presence, but my uncle stepped in.”

Raised by a single parent (her mother), social worker Nomsa Mafumekoane said growing up she didn’t fully understand what was missing (her father).
Only later in her life when things were not going well she would think that ‘if my father was here maybe things would be different’.

“I grew up a happy child because my mother did her best to ensure that my brother and I attended school and had all the basic necessities.
“My father once introduced himself while I was in primary school, but disappeared again.

When I was in high school and my mother had passed on, we had some communication, but due to other personal issues, he disappeared again. “That really impacted my performance at school. For the first time, I failed a year – my matric.

“Years after finishing matric, I went looking for him and told him ‘dad, I’m now a grown up, I can look after myself but all I need from you is your presence.’ We started on a new slate but he died before I got to spend more time with him.

“Yes, I was angry at him for not being there for me, but after we reconnected and discussed the issues, I took a decision to forgive him.

“His absence has shaped how I view parenting. I encourage my husband to set a good example, particularly to boys.
“There is learned bad behavior men take from their upbringing and other male figures and then pass it on to their own children, especially boys.
“This vicious cycle must be broken so that we can raise children who will become better fathers and husbands.

“Growing up without a father is not the end of the world. Take it from me. It’s not an excuse to be disobedient and engage in crime or juvenile delinquency, and then say it’s because I never had a father figure.
“Your absent biological father doesn’t mean that there are no trusted male figures you can learn from. I didn’t have a father but I did not turn to dangerous behaviours and today I’m a responsible parent and good citizen.
“Additionally, if you’re growing up in a fatherless household, know that God is the father of the fatherless and will never leave or forsake you.”

Also Read: Fathers also have rights

Famsa celebrates father figures
The Family and Marriage Society of SA (Famsa) East Rand’s director, Samuel Matlala, weighed in on this matter, saying, “Every child in their upbringing needs to experience the advantage of a present father figure and a present mother figure, regardless of the gender of the child.

“We often hear people saying boys need to be with their fathers. No it’s wrong, children, boys and girls need father figures.
“Fathers have got responsibilities in the upbringing of a child. It doesn’t matter whether or not is a biological father.

“This isn’t to suggest that mothers aren’t doing exceptional job in the lives of their children. But it points to an imbalance in the distribution of parental responsibilities.
“While in many instances single mothers play a significant role in the upbringing of a child, the active presence of a father figure offers additional benefits in their children’s emotional, physical and mental well-being.”
Support
Famsa is an NPO committed to healthy family life, quality relationships and non-violence.
Those battling to maintain healthy family dynamics or find themselves in the difficult situations can contact Famsa East Rand for help on 011 892 4272.
The centre, located at the old town hall building on the corner of Trichardts Road and Commissioner Street, is open Monday to Friday from 08:15 to 16:00.

Also Read: Famsa weighs in on fight against GBV