Struwwelpeter: who is your baby’s daddy?

The swill in the trough is running out!

KUDOS to our finance minister for declaring austerity in parliament – and not before time either.

There must be some very unhappy people now. Firstly, the parliamentary free-loaders, who will now have the privilege of paying for their own expensive booze.

Incidentally, one wonders whether these people who developed a taste for R2 000 whisky so quickly will now lose their taste just as rapidly?

And then secondly, the sellers of fried chicken, who have just lost a major source of income. They will feel the pinch. And so will SAA who lose all those first class passengers.

The swill in the trough is running out!

* * *

Here is an interesting political scenario: it is not impossible that Malema will draw a few percentage points of the vote in the next election. These votes will probably come from the ANC.

Cosatu will still be angryand some of them might well stay away from the polls.
Agang will probably do at least as well as Cope did in the last election and the DA seems to be growing. The nett effect of all these factors could well be that the ANC doesn’t make it to 60%.

This will cause consternation. Zuma’s unpopularity is growingand if the ANC see him as a loser, they will very quickly replace him. The obvious choice is Ramaphosa.

Ramaphosa has the advantage that he has no baggage and owes no political favours. So he might well fire most of the incompetent “grace and favour” appointees in the cabinet and replace them with better administrators.

That would be a very big light at the end of the South African tunnel.

* * *

10 years ago the USA had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash.

Now the USA has no jobs, no hope and no cash.

Thanks Moose.

* * *

The following are all replies that downtown Detroit women have written on child support agency forms:

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlindabut I believe that she was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party where I had sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me his phone number?

4. I don’t know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the roof panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he’s had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope to confirm this.

6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia’s dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his coverand that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child is as they all look the same to me.

8. Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my CDs? Child B, who was also born at the same time, well, I don’t have a clue.

9. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a programme about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party, mine might have remained unfertilised.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can’t be sure which one made you fart.
(Thanks BJ)

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