Charity shop advices people to help each other fight depression
“It’s as if we don’t have time for each other but will spend hours on our phones. Is it really because our lives have become much busier?”
A diagnosis that affects many and hides in plain sight, depression is a silent killer veiled behind false smiles, cheerful jokes and jests when surrounded by loved ones and company.
Yet, when alone, it consumes the thoughts and the mind, and a simple slip on the journey of mental health can send a person tumbling off the edge.
Clawing, kicking, you scream within as you get dragged into darkness, a black pit, a cave of isolation, the familiar place of comfort and pain where you have become the prisoner of your mind and the negotiator, too.
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“Often, we feel like we want to be alone but don’t want to be. It’s the constant weighing up of options and negotiating that never ends. At times, it feels like you are a hostage in your mind,” said Sharon Blackwell, the co-founder of the Tails and Whiskers Charity Shop.
Having suffered from depression since she was a teenager and having lost a family member to suicide, Sharon is all too familiar with the warning signs and the dangers of the diagnosis.
She said lately, she has seen signs of sadness among community members and customers.
“I don’t know what it is, but it’s as if the community is missing something. You can see it on their faces,” said Sharon.
“I’ve spoken to some of our customers specifically, and they just broke down crying about how sad they feel but not knowing why.”
She mentioned that across various Facebook groups, she has recently seen people posting, reaching out for help, stating they are at their breaking points.
“In many of these posts, people state they feel like failures or are in the process of losing everything.”
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Sharon said she first noticed the change in the community’s spirit soon after the government lifted lockdown. She believes many people went to great lengths to isolate themselves during lockdown and are suffering long-lasting effects.
“Just for starters, there was a lack of social interaction. Think about it. Some people go to the same shop daily to buy their groceries. Why? For the social interaction, but in lockdown, many couldn’t do that,” said Sharon.
She said despite the advancements in telecommunications technology, families and friends seem more disconnected from each other now than ever before.
“It’s as if we don’t have time for each other but will spend hours on our phones. Is it really because our lives have become much busier?” asked Sharon.
Sharon said she is grateful for Tails and Whiskers’ tea garden.
“It’s a place for people to come together, for friends and strangers to come together and talk without the interruption of life or technology.”
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Speaking from experience, Sharon said, “When you have depression, I think it is easier to recognise it and the symptoms of it in other people. You also know that you cannot force someone to get help. It is a choice and a change the person needs to make on their own.”
“When you know this, you carry that guilt around with you despite how well people who might be struggling are doing,” said Sharon.
Three years ago, Sharon lost her niece to depression.
She got a call from her family in the United Kingdom that her niece had killed herself. She was 25 at the time of her death.
She said it was a traumatic time for her and her family.
“I was here in SA when I got the call from my nephew explaining what had happened. I could hear my family screaming in the background while he told me what had happened.
“The trauma of not being able to do something while hearing their sobs and screams made me feel helpless. I felt as if I was behind a glass wall that I could not break through. I felt trapped.”
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Sharon said when you lose a loved one to suicide, it is not only one person who is affected. All the family’s relationships are affected and are never the same again.
“Our level of pain is all different, but it is all connected to the same person we loved.”
To help one another, Sharon said as friends and family, the community needs to become more aware of the signs of depression and other mental illnesses.
She said a tell-tale sign in any age group is when a person starts sleeping much more than they used to.
Sharon said although this might be a medical problem, it is usually a sign that depression has set in.
Explaining why sleeping more than usual was a sign to look out for, Sharon said that for many who suffer from depression, sleep is a form of escape from reality.
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“Talking to people in a comfortable setting without preaching is vital when having an open discussion about depression. It is also important for us as individuals to be able to identify our emotions and learn the proper coping mechanisms for them, not only for our personal lives but for the workplace too.”
You can call the suicide crisis helpline on 0800 567 567. Alternatively, phone the South African Depression and Anxiety Group on 0800 567 567 or visit www.sadag.org for more information and help.
