Back to school anxiety

What is normal child behaviour during this phase and how can parents help their child adjust accordingly? Karen Archer, Educational Psychologist and Director of Bellavista S.H.A.R.E gives advice.

What do young children get most anxious about when it comes to starting school?

Most young children are creatures of habit and thrive on routines and schedules. Starting school changes what they’ve come to expect with their predictable lifestyle.

For some it may be the first time they’re away from their parents for an extended period of time and for other children who’ve been in school before, they can feel anxious about the transition to a new grade.

Anxiety for some may be around friends and having to re-establish connections with school friends after a long holiday or having to make new friends.

For others, the prospect of having a new teacher, or many new teachers for that matter, is a concern. Still
other children might get anxious about whether or not they’ll have all the right clothes and stationery for school.

For many, it is the actual uniform that can be create stress due to the fit and feel. Children may feel insecure about the actual school and classroom environment.

There may be some who are anxious about something as simple as eating lunch at school or using a bathroom that they’re not familiar with. Children with learning disabilities may be concerned about failure or who will be there to support them at school.

How can I tell if my child is experiencing anxiety about starting school?

Behaviour is a symptom, and most children cannot recognise when they’re anxious. Some things to look out for as a parent are changes in sleep patterns or eating habits.

Children may complain of stomach aches, headaches or nausea. Some may become irritable or withdrawn, particularly after discussing starting school.

Also, parents may notice a change in their child’s bathroom behaviours. You’ll want to observe if your child is going more frequently or having accidents.

Children may ask questions such as: “Are you going to be able to stay with me?”, “What if someone is mean to me?”, “How long is the school day?” or “Is the teacher going to shout?”.

What can I do to help my child feel less anxious?
It is well understood that children feed off of parents’ anxiety. Do your best to be calm and reassure your child that school is a fun and safe space.

When talking about starting school, remind them that they will meet new friends and participate in fun games and activities. Listen and validate your child’s concerns and try to remind them of past instances of change and how the child managed to overcome this.

If possible, plan a visit to the school with your child and introduce your child to the adults who will be working with your child. It can be helpful to take pictures of the school and classroom or allow your child to browse the school’s website.

Arranging playdates prior to school starting may be helpful.

Other things a parent can do to lessen the anxiety, is to make a checklist such as of the things your child needs to have for the start of school. Together, you can check off each item as your child gets it to show progress.

Positive affirmations are useful and you can come up with it together with your child, such as “I am brave, I know I can”. It helps to repeat this routinely and can be used across many anxiety-producing moments.

What Archer found particularly useful with her own children is communicating a growth mindset approach to them.

Simply put, she frequently reminds them that their brain grows when they make mistakes (to read more on this consult Carol Dweck’s, Growth Mindset material).

With Archer’s three-year-old, she made her a visual timetable so that she knows what is happening each day at school and after school. It has assisted hugely in the child’s understanding of how time works and gives her security knowing what to expect on a day-to-day basis.

Most importantly though, let your child know that it’s normal to feel anxious about starting school. Remind them that a little bit of anxiety is a good thing and that your brain is great at protecting you.

It has been observed that it is normal to feel anxious and unsettled during a period of change for up to six weeks. Allow your child this time to settle into their new environment and praise them for their ability to push through.

If you find that your child is still displaying high levels of anxiety after this period of time, contact a psychologist to advise you further.

For more information, visit www.bellavista.org.za