Real Talk with Duenna

Upon my return to the newsroom from the lovely holiday, my Editor handed me a letter written by one of our readers in response to the last column I wrote in 2014, about the so-called ‘stepmothers’, cheating husbands and aboMakoti (daughters in law).

According to the author, who is a stepmother herself, the piece in question was biased, judgemental and rude. She also accused me of not caring about my readers’ feelings.

She wrote: “Naively, I thought journalists were balanced in their approach to the subject of their columns. Well, you have managed to very seriously offend me. You, however, have decided to be rude, totally without care about your readers’ feelings, and chosen to insult all of us who have accepted another person’s child in their lives. How dare you be so judgemental and expect to be read with interest and pay any attention to your opinion? How dare you quote the Bible when you treat stepmothers with such contempt? The next time you choose to put your fingers on a keyboard, do us all a favour and research your subject to prevent a totally biased article.”

Well, I appreciate the time she took to provide her feedback, but I still stand by my column.

We cannot, as a people, turn a blind eye to the children who suffer at the hands of stepmothers because of the fear to offend sensitive people.

As a community journalist, I will not have done justice to my people if I fail to make a difference in the communities I serve, even if it means writing about the uncomfortable truths.

Maybe the word stepmother is politically incorrect, but who cares? If you, like the person who wrote in and many other women I have come across, have embraced your step children and love them like they were your own, I don’t see why you should take offence to my piece. But then again, I can only control what I write, not how it is received.

The truth is, there are husbands out there who are afraid to reach out to their children because they fear their wives will either leave or make their lives hell.

Like I said, I am not condoning cheating tendencies and I am not, in anyway, saying men should sleep around and expect their wives to embrace the babies they make outside the marriage. I do say though, that the children your husband made with the woman before you deserve time and love from their father, whether or not you like it.

As a woman, knowing your husband’s offspring is not well taken care of should keep you awake at night.

Despite being lambasted for quoting the Bible in my previous column, but I would like to reiterate the importance of the golden rule, which is also stated in Matthew 7:12.

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”

I commend all the women who love and treat their stepchildren like their own.

As my friends have proved it, it is not easy, but it is possible and has to be done.