BISHOP Toot-toot is indeed a remarkable man. He recently flew to Canada to speak about human rights in Alberta.
Overnight he became an expert geologist, specialising in arenaceous hydrocarbon deposits and a petroleum chemist to boot.
He described Alberta’s oil sands as “filth,” saying its production is a result of “negligence and greed”.
“The fact that this filth is being created now, when the link between carbon emissions and global warming is so obvious, reflects negligence and greed,” he said. “The oil sands are emblematic of an era of high carbon and high-risk fuels that must end if we are committed to safer climate.”
Tutu, who has called on people to boycott fossil fuel companies, said he stands in solidarity with communities opposed to oil sands pipeline projects:
“Oil sands development not only devastates our shared climate but is also stripping away the rights of First Nations and affected communities to protect their children, land and water from being poisoned,” he said.
Tutu’s remarks were not the first time the archbishop has taken a strong stand on climate change.
In an opinion piece published earlier this year in The Guardian, Tutu referred to the Keystone project, which proposes to move crude oil from Alberta to the US gulf coast, as appalling. Industry supporters of Keystone, however, have pointed out that the oil sands’ contribution to global warming is minuscule. They also say that there is a growing demand for energy across North America.
“As we know, the world needs an energy mix, developed responsibility, in order to meet global energy demands,” Geraldine Anders, a spokesperson for the Canadian Association of Petroleum Products, told CTV News.
In response to Tutu’s comments about Trans Canada, the company that wants to build Keystone, said oil and other fossil fuels have helped to improve the lives of people around the world.
“Oil powered the jet that flew Mr Tutu from Canada to Africa, produced the fuel for the helicopter tour he had planned of the oil sands, and helped manufacture the microphones and TV cameras for his press conference,” Davis Sheremata, a spokesperson for Trans Canada, told The Canadian Press.
“Without oil, we wouldn’t have fertilisers to grow our food, plastics for surgical tape and heart valves, and gasoline to start the more than 250 million cars in North America every morning.”
The 2 700-kilometre line would move bitumen from Alberta’s oil sands to refineries on the Gulf Coast of Texas.
A press comment: ”His time could be better spent saving Africa. But then, again, the speaker fees are much higher here and the accommodation more luxurious, fuelled as they are by oil wealth…”Jason Franson, The Canadian Press.
Comment from Struwwelpeter’s Canadian cousin: “Listen up. Now that all the problems in South Africa have been solved and everyone is living a happy life of Riley there, please don’t send this geriatric half-wit, who has the carbon footprint of Al Gore, here to stir up the natives and lecture us on climate change – he presumably rowed across the ocean and took a donkey to Alberta.”
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Interesting report from the Australian Geelong Post:
Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old male, who was caught fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night. The next day, at the Horsham Court (Victoria), Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency and public intoxication.
Lawrence explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session, he decided to stop.
“You know how a pumpkin can be soft and squishy inside… well, there was no one around for miles – or at least, I thought there wasn’t anyone around.” he stated.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need.
“I s’pose I was really into it, you know?” he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process of doing the deed, he failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience, until Senior Constable Brenda Taylor approached him.
“I walked up to Lawrence and he’s just banging away at this pumpkin,” Senior Constable Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence.
“I said: ‘Excuse me sir, why are you having sex with a pumpkin?”
“Lawrence froze. He was clearly very surprised that I was there but then he looked me straight in the eye and said: “’A pumpkin? Oh hell – is it midnight already?”
