Struwwelpeter: If it is your intention to boycott Israeli products, you need to be consistent

A Durban woman, Fathima Moosa, wrote a letter to a pharmacy group in which she objected to their selling items imported from Israel – a skin care lotion from the Dead Sea.

Herewith the CEO’s reply: (abbreviated)

Dear Fathima Moosa,

I will begin by answering your likening of Israel’s supposed human rights violations to Hitler’s Nazism. This is a scurrilous slur that you have clearly chosen in order to give maximum offense.

In fact, it is very easy to identify the true modern-day Nazis in the Middle East. They are found in the ranks of such murderous extremist groupings as Hamas, Hezbollah and Palestine Islamic Jihad, who all regard the mass murder of Israeli Jews as the noblest goal their followers can aspire to.

So far as your stated intention of boycotting our chain goes, that is obviously your decision. After all, we do live in a free country.

However, if it is your intention to boycott Israeli products, you need to be consistent, if your gesture is to have any meaning.

I hope you don’t use an intel chip in your computer with which you probably wrote your e-mail because it was invented in Israel. I hope that you stay in good health because if you need preventative surgery against a heart attack, you will have to boycott the procedure because guess what? The stent was invented in Israel!

Likewise, I hope you are never prescribed any patch for diabetes, to deliver medication and other drugs, also invented in Israel. If you are an asthmatic you may have to use a new type of inhaler (Spin) invented in Israel.

So please check! Israel has given the world the system of drip irrigation which is being widely adopted in South Africa with its water shortages. Should you boycott all fruit and vegetables grown by this method?

The list that Israel has given the world is very lengthy. Check very carefully what you boycott.

I believe I had to answer your “complaint”. I will continue to sell Dead Sea products from Israel. You know the Dead Sea has two shores.

I wonder why the Jordanians or Palestinians (most come from Jordan) do not want to share this wonderful natural resource of the Dead Sea.

I will not respond to any further correspondence on your subject.

Yours faithfully

CEO

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Sir Winston Churchill was once asked about his position on whisky: “If you mean whisky, the devil’s brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean that evil drink that topples men and women from the pinnacles of righteous and gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, shame, despair, helplessness and hopelessness, then, my friend, I am opposed to it with every fibre of my being.

However, if by whisky you mean the oil of conversation, the philosophic wine, the elixir of life, the ale that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean good cheer, the stimulating sip that puts a little spring in the step of an elderly gentleman on a frosty morning; if you mean that drink that enables man to magnify his joy, and to forget life’s great tragedies and heartbreaks and sorrow; if you mean that drink the sale of which pours into our treasuries untold millions of pounds each year, that provides tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitifully aged and infirm, to build the finest highways, hospitals, universities and community colleges in this nation… then my friend, I am absolutely, unequivocally in favour of it!!!”

“This is my position, and as always, I refuse to compromise on matters of principle!!!”

( Thanks Scorpio)

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An oldie but now more relevant than ever! (Thanks BJ)

Scientists at CERN in Geneva have announced the discovery of the HEAVIEST element yet known to science! AND yes … it was discovered in South Africa.

The new element is Governmentium (Gv). It has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of Teflon-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons or protons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes in contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction normally taking less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years. It does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.