Jokes to get you through New Year’s Eve
Dad jokes and bad puns might just be the best way to start off your new year. Here's some top picks that'll be sure to make you laugh and cringe at the same time.
Has there ever been a good New Year’s joke? Probably not, but these jokes are sure to make you chuckle at least once or twice.
Cringe level: 1
*My New Year’s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
*My wife still hasn’t told me what my New Year’s resolutions are.
*New Year’s Eve forecast: Mostly drunk with a strong chance of passing out.
Cringe level: 2
*I’m not looking forward to the new year. You know I don’t have 2020 vision.
Cringe level: 3
*I resolve to be less awesome this year since that is really the only thing I do in excess.
Cringe level: 4
*Every New Year’s Day, I have the same question: “How did I get home?”
Cringe level: 5
*My New Year’s resolution is to break my New Year’s resolutions. That way I succeed at something!
*My New Years resolution is 1080p … 4k if I’m feeling up to it.
Cringe level: 6
*My resolution was to quit all my bad habits, but I’m no quitter.
*What’s the problem with jogging on New Years Eve? The ice falls out of your drink.
Cringe level: 7
*What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve? He got 12 months.
*I’m going to be more optimistic this year. I’ll be a cup half-full of vodka kind of person!
Cringe level: 8
*What did the Founding Fathers do on New Year’s Day? They signed the New Year’s Constitution.
*What did Che Guevara make on New Year’s Day? A new year’s revolution.
*My brother’s New Year’s resolution is to move out of my parents’ house. You’d think after 49 years, he’d try another one.
Cringe level: 9
*If you’re born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a bang!
Cringe level: 10
*May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.
