I am writing this to tell you that you are stronger than you can imagine and there is no right or wrong way to get through this day without the woman who gave you life.
I am writing this because I know what it feels like to wish you could put the flowers you bought in her hands instead of by her grave.
I have never shared this with anyone but I lived in fear since the day we were told about my mother’s heart condition.
When I finally got to university I would call home every day, praying that she would be on the other side of the line and that’s why it meant everything to me that she saw me graduate.I am grateful that I got the chance to celebrate such a milestone with her but I still have many more that she won’t see.
My mother’sfuneral was on the day before my 23rd birthday and I woke up that morning thinking of how I not only lost a parent but I also lost my best friend. It’s a feeling that you never really get over because the void is always going to be there but as life goes on you learn to live with it and understand what it means.
You learn to hold onto the memories and personality traits that made them special. To this day I can still feel her presence when I pass the coffee shop where we would have our mother/ daughter dates.
I can still hear her laugh when I watch a movie or show that we used to watch as a family.
Above all else, I can still hear her reminding me of how much she prays for all her children. My mother always kissed her children hello and goodbye, so the last time I had to leave-I gave her a kiss and a hug goodbye. I told her I loved her, just like always.
She said “I love you more” and added how proud she was of the women I was becoming.
If I had known that it would be the last time, I would’ve never let go.
It’s my first Mother’s Day without her and believe me when I say there is nothing in this world that prepares you for the anxiety that comes with it or any other day.
No one prepares you for the way your life changes and the decisions that you have to make.
So, on this day give yourself a moment to look back and laugh or cry or do whatever feels right to you. To everyone without a mom on Mother’s Day, I am writing this to show you that you are not alone and no matter how difficult it seems, we will get through it.
Together.
