As the school term gets underway, many families expect things to feel settled fairly quickly.

Yet it’s common for emotional “wobbles” to show up days or even weeks into the routine. Tears at drop-off, short tempers, sudden anxiety or complaints of feeling unwell can emerge once expectations increase.

This doesn’t mean something is wrong. It usually means a child’s nervous system is still adjusting.

The key to performing well at home, at school and beyond is not willpower or intelligence alone. It is emotional self-regulation.

When a child feels overwhelmed, the brain shifts into fight-or-flight mode. In this state, the amygdala (the brain’s alarm system) goes on high alert and temporarily limits access to the brain’s thinking centres. This makes it harder to process information, learn, concentrate and make rational decisions.

In simple terms: a dysregulated brain cannot learn effectively.

The goal isn’t to stop big feelings. It’s to help children notice, regulate and return to a calmer state. This takes practice – and it can be trained.

Here are five simple self-regulation tools you can add to your family’s toolbox. Practise them when things are calm, so they’re easier to use when emotions run high.

1. Birthday Candle Breathing

Breathe in through the nose, then slowly blow out as if gently blowing out a candle. Longer exhales help the body settle.

2. Cold Water Reset

Splash cool water on the face or press a cold bottle to the cheeks or wrists. This sensory reset can interrupt rising stress.

3. 5-4-3 Grounding

Name five things you can see, four things you can hear and three things you can touch. This brings attention back to the present moment.

4. Butterfly Hug

Cross arms over the chest and gently tap left and right, slowly. The rhythmic movement can feel comforting and grounding.

5. Hum to Calm

Humming or quietly singing a favourite song steadies breathing and helps the body shift toward calm.

During the early part of any term, lower the pressure and raise the support. Earlier bedtimes, fewer after-school commitments and more connection go a long way. A regulated child can learn. A dysregulated child cannot, not because they won’t, but because their brain is on high alert.

Parents matter too. Calm is contagious. When you regulate first, you lend your child your nervous system until they can use their own.

Emotional regulation isn’t about stopping feelings, it’s about teaching children how to come back to calm, again and again.

May Coomer is an NLP life and brain coach working with children and families on emotional regulation, confidence, and resilience. She is based at Eden Village in Foxhill, Salt Rock.

Find out more about her here.

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