#TwoBits: Trapped in a toxic relationship with my smartphone

Are we ever bored? We are constantly being stimulated by smartphones, doomscrolling Instagram, Facebook and TikTok videos.

South African teenagers spend an average of about 3 hours and 17 minutes per day on their smartphones, according to a 2025 Stellenbosch University study of over 2 000 adolescents (mostly from former Model C high schools).

Okay, we’re not all teenagers. I’ll admit it right up front: I am in a toxic, codependent relationship with a small black rectangle that lives in my pocket. We’ve been together for years. It never pays rent, it interrupts every meaningful conversation and yet I keep coming back like a lovesick teenager. Its name? Smartphone. Its love language? Variable rewards and existential dread.

I know why breaking up with it feels harder than cutting out chocolate during Lent. It’s all thanks to something psychologists call the habit loop – that sneaky neurological cycle of Cue, Craving, Routine and Reward that runs my life more efficiently than the government runs… well, anything.

The expression “Fear of missing out” (FOMO) came from people’s overwhelming desire to be alert to their changing world all the time. It’s exhausting but that doesn’t stop us from being as addicted to our cellphones as heroin.

Do you ever take a firm decision to put your phone down and smell the daisies? Many creators note that boredom creates mental space for mind-wandering, which allows the brain to form new connections. Modern distractions can short-circuit this process.

Apple founder Steve Jobs said: “I’m a big believer in boredom. Boredom allows one to indulge in curiosity and out of curiosity comes everything.”

Author JK Rowling conceived the entire Harry Potter series during a delayed train ride from Manchester to London in 1990. With no pen available and nothing to do, her mind wandered freely.

“I was staring out of the window, and the idea of Harry just popped into my head… I had all these ideas bubbling up through my head.”

So, what can I do about this habit? Three strategies have been suggested to me:
1. Tech-free zones. Make your bedroom a phone-free area. Buy an old-fashioned alarm clock. Try not to wake up at 3am panicking because of FOMO.

2. Grayscale mode: Turn off colour settings. Suddenly TikTok videos are less appealing when everyone’s face is the colour of porridge.

3. Boredom dates. Make a firm commitment to spend an hour a day doing absolutely nothing. Stare at the sea. Go for a walk (without your phone).

There is a good chance that the world won’t end. It just might spin more peacefully. I don’t think I am ready to chuck my phone into the sea just yet, but if I can downgrade the relationship from toxic marriage to casual flirting, I might get my life back. Keep the useful bits. Mute the rest. Reclaim the beautiful, terrifying state of having nothing to do.

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Caught the show by Ballito resident comedian Schalk Bezuidenhout at Ashton recently. Although he’s only been living here a year or so, he has become painfully aware of the pecking order between the residential estates we have.

He grew up in Kempton Park where, he said, if someone lived in an estate you knew they’d ‘arrived’.

“So when I bought my place in Seaward Estate I was over the moon. Look at me – I’m living in an estate!”

But the euphoria was short-lived.

“When you tell someone from Simbithi ‘I’m living in Seaward’ and they say ‘Sorry’ and give you R5. That really hurts.”