Grief and bereavement need not be endured alone
Sadag shares some advice on how to handle bereavement, and when to look for help if it becomes overwhelming.
The South African Depression and Anxiety Group (Sadag) has several resources for those struggling with grief after losing a loved one.
Tracy Feinstein works at Sadag and says there is help available for those in distress.
“Bereavement in itself is not a mental illness. It is the sadness following the loss of a loved one. Often this will be a partner, a close friend or a colleague at work, or even a pet. People grieve after losing a child.”
Bereavement is the experience of loss you go through, followed by the grieving process.
“People have different signs and symptoms of grieving. Some may feel deep sadness and might want to isolate themselves. There is a lot of crying, and some people experience anger.”
She says an important message is that ‘whatever emotions you feel need to be shared and expressed, even with just yourself for a short period of time’.
But there needs to be comfort and allowance for someone to grieve in the way that is right for them.
“During bereavement, it is important for the person suffering those deep emotions of sadness, sometimes guilt, anger, feeling isolated or loneliness because their loved one has passed to not be alone too much.”
The element of support is so important.
Help and support can come in different ways. “Something simple like helping to make a meal or just sitting with them and serving them a cup of tea can be healing.”
She says though that not everyone wants to talk. “The person going through the bereavement might want to light a candle and sit quietly, breathing gently and letting the tears roll down and just spend some time remembering memories of the person who has passed.”
Often after the passing of a loved one there is a funeral or memorial service. While those events are often sad and filled with tears, they can also be a period of getting closure.
“There is a lot of therapeutic benefit of sharing memories and happy times that people have shared with the person who has passed on.
“An important message about bereavement is that it is incredibly personal; it does not go away. Just because the funeral or memorial service has finished, that does not mean the emotions and sadness suddenly stop.”
Support is crucial and comes from family, colleagues, friends, or church community.
“Everyone needs to find their space to be able to grieve the loss of their loved one.”
Sadag can help people going through the grieving process. They are there when you are able to reach out.
Feinstein says, “People don’t know where to get counselling or know how to join a support group. These are places where they can express their emotions and share their feelings and find helpful new routines to help them brace each day without their loved one present.”
If you feel unable to function after an extended time
“We put bereavement and align it to mental health. It is appropriate to feel depressed for a short while after the loss of a loved one. But if it is affecting your routines and you are not able to function to full capacity after an extended period, that is the time you do need to be brave enough and reach out. Make a phone call and connect with Sadag where there is always a compassionate counsellor to gently listen and offer you the support that could be very helpful to getting you back on your feet and functioning.”
Free online support groups
- Men’s online grief and bereavement support group: First Wednesday of the month at 19:00
- Women’s online grief and bereavement support group: Every second Tuesday at 18:00.
Contact Sadag on www.sadag.org and 0800 567 567.
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