How mothers, though different, share a commonality

Whether she be the stay-at-home mom, the single mother or the young working mom, her role is one that is irreplaceable. Our communities serve as an environment that has an array of mothers and motherly figures, who without our communities, would struggle.

The Northcliff Melville Times found three different mothers, whose paths, though different, are bound together by similarity, that they would all do they could to ensure the well-being of their most precious gift – their child.

Read more: Northcliff Rotary donates over 1 000 dignity packs to vulnerable mothers

Society has long pegged stay-at-home mothers, such as Leigh-Ann Maher, as having it real easy. As its broadly assumed that those like her live a pampered life, with their only responsibility being the weekly carpool. Leigh-Ann, who is a mother to Aimee-Leigh (17) and Erin Leigh (13), had worked for years and in that time felt she was missing out on so much of her children’s lives. “I couldn’t attend certain events at school or even watch any sporting events and if I did, I was on a time constraint.”
After the birth of both her girls, she was not in a position to take maternity leave and had to return to work with 10-day-old babies – continuing with them by her side until they were four-months-old, after which they were cared for when she went back to work full time.

With her children sometimes having been within the last group of children to be collected at nursery school, she felt bad that she would leave her small child for so long. After discussions with her husband, which centred around the important role played in their lives, they came to the mutual decision for her to be a stay-at-home mom. “I often joke that I didn’t get maternity leave and now I am making up for it,” she said. Through the years she has enjoyed watching her girls grow, somethings she sees as a blessing. “I have been right there, by their side, helping and guiding them. I am now able to attend any school events and even help out at these events which is great fun mingling with the other moms.” For her, it is the act of being able to do the smallest things for them that brings the greatest pleasure. Leigh-Ann has also had her fair share of people not appreciating what she gets to do for her children. As she commonly receives questions such as – ‘What do you do all day?’ or a common reply to her saying she is a stay-at-mom is, ‘Oh, so you do nothing all day?’

Also read: What does the law say about mothers who abandon their babies?

Where the stereotype on Leigh-Ann may be she has too much time on her hands, for single mom, Mathapelo Thapie, the stereotype mothers in her position face is that they are unable to give their children the sort of upbringing they need. Though she recognises that her role is not without its challenges, she has made sure to give her two boys, Bonolo (15) and Bokang (9), nothing but the best from her.

Mathapelo, a local business owner, lost her mother when she was six years old and credits this painful event as being what surged her independence. The single mom takes each day as it comes. “I will do what I can today and what I couldn’t do, I will try again tomorrow.” This with the support of her clientele base and family that are always there to help where they can.
“They are always there to give advice when I struggle with my sons or in general.” Her biggest goal is to grow her boys to become responsible, successful men. Struggles she faces are balancing work with being a present mother as she finds it to be emotionally draining as she needs to be there for her boys to help with homework or be there on weekends. “But I can’t because I need to work more hours to keep up with my finances,” she said. She added that the challenge with raising boys, especially teens, are the conversations she cannot properly lead as a woman as she does not know what happens in a young boy’s changing world.

Be this as it may, raising her boys alone, with pride, has had her build an incredible bond with them. The simple act of watching them grow has been her souls biggest pleasure. When she sees them, she sees little parts of herself in them too. This has also been what has forged her into the strong the woman she sees herself to be.

For young, working mother, Chantelle Fourie-Shawe, who had her son, Dylan (3), at 25 years old her strength comes from accepting that within her motherhood journey, she will most likely not master the art of being a working mom given the world we live in. As she sees it, you won’t wholly be one or the other which means a sacrifice with each in some way. “You are either going to be a really excellent mother and give that your all, or be a really excellent businesswoman and give that your all.”

She added that this paring does come as a challenge to her because on some days she feels all she wants to be is a mother, dedicating her entire self to her child. While on other days she feels she has other things to offer, and strengths she still wants to capitalise on.

Before becoming a mother, Chantelle was always in search of some deep meaning to life – what her purpose was. It was through becoming a mother that purpose was not only made clear, but her life was simplified in the process too. This role has calmed her mind and has brought her fulfillment. In her Dylan she hopes she instills in him patience, understanding and care to those around him while also giving the same honour to himself.

Related article: Mother hopes for her son`s safe return