School reports have been out for sometime and matric results are expected on January 4. But how should parents react when their child brings home poor results?
Debbie Pincus, a therapist and an experienced author on relationships gives sound advice, in various website articles, on how you can keep yourself sane and what to do and what not to do, especially when your child comes home with poor school results.
Other than your child being “lazy”, it is important to note that there are plenty of other factors that can predict academic success. There’s something wrong with the picture if you care more about your child’s grades than he does, however. Parent’s disappointment stems not from not loving their kids enough, but from the fact that they worry they won’t make anything of themselves in the future if they don’t do well for themselves in school.

If you’ve been getting in your child’s “box” and trying to make him care because you do, it’s important to stop and ask yourself this question, “What’s my child’s responsibility here? What’s mine?” If your child isn’t getting his work done, your job as a parent is to find out why not, or hold him accountable and teach him how the real world works.

Don’t punish poor grades. It’s better to restructure time (such as limiting instant messaging) to foster progress.

As parents, we often feel responsible for our child’s outcome in life, but ultimately, your child is responsible for his own choices.
The main reason that “punitive parenting” strategies like screaming, punishing and prohibiting your child to go out with friends are unlikely to work, is that they do not directly address the underlying problems that lead to the poor result.
What you should do, according to a psychologist is to praise and acknowledge the A in art, the good attendance, the well-mannered attitude.

Then focus on areas of improvement.
• Assure your child that the grade does not make him a failure and that together you can find helpful strategies.
• Discuss, don’t lecture! Ask: “What do you think happened, and does this reflect the work you put into it?” Your child will likely point you to the problem and the solution. Does the teacher talk too fast? A recorder could help. Is homework incomplete? A structured routine is vital. Maybe the child has a hearing problem, or need to get glasses.
• Identify and acknowledge motivational patterns. Reward, and inspire, by recognizing and building on success and special interests. If your son stumbles in math, a learning-based computer game could make numbers click. Don’t punish poor grades. It’s better to restructure time (such as limiting instant messaging) to foster progress.
• Think proficiency, not perfection. Some kids are C students, yet excel at music, art, or athletics. Nurture their gifts but discuss expectations. Rather than striving for straight A’s, expect that your child be proficient in academic and social-emotional learning for their grade level. This includes lifelong learning skills, such as team membership, problem solving, critical thinking, and communication.
• Meet with the teacher. Learn about the teaching style, rules, ways you can help your child, and access to tutoring. The more you learn and communicate, the greater the chances of your child’s success. Perhaps your child should be tested for learning, behavioural, or other problems.
Limiting social activities is only likely to improve school performance if going to too many social events is the reason underlying the poor performance.
Because we think our child’s success depends on us, we step into a place where we don’t belong. We’re taught that we need to somehow control our kids, so we often jump in their box without a second thought. Your child might comply to get you off his back or even to please you, but that doesn’t help him get self-motivated. Consequences aren’t there to create motivation; you give them because you’re doing your job as a parent. The bottom line is that you can’t motivate another person to care. Your role, rather, is to inspire and influence.

Source Empoweringparents