It has been such a tumultous week in Endumeni with nattily dressed Mayors in court, the non passing of a non budget and the usual burning tyres, it is easy to miss some of the good news.

Here is a wrap from the week that wasn’t from the Kremlin on Victoria Street…
Tired of jibes about the Council being lackadaisical when it comes to job creation the Endumeni Municipality has announced that they have decided to employ all residents, over 18, within the municipal area.

This has increased the municipal work force from 365 to 26 567. But how will the municipal afford to pay everyone? And, remember all municipal officials get a bonus – regardless if they are at work or not? So how will it work?

Chatting to the Courier between mouthfuls of the finest bunny chow, Shooter Shabalala, a municipal spokesman,  explained that ‘basically we are doing what Julius wants to do but what Cyril is scared to do’.’
“We have nationalized everyone. Everyone works for the municipality so that means we will not have any more critics which is a bonus. I mean we are gatvol of FC Bester and the Courier poking fun at us not being able to have quorums at Council meetings, not passing the budget and the plots to kill Councillors. No, now we will be one happy family. All businesses will automatically belong to the municipality which means will have tons of money for Mayoral roadshows and Nandos lunches so I reckon Endumeni will be the land of milk and honey.”

So are businesses within the municipal area effectively nationalized?

But how will the employees be paid and what will their job descriptions be?
‘’Everyone carries on as before but because you are now municipal employee, you can work at a slower pace and lunch is from 8.30am to 3.30pm. But remember, sometimes you will get a check up from some oke from COGTA in Pretoria – but its okay, he is a cadre, so don’t fright.”
And the best thing about this plan, explained Shooter, is that the cops will not be fining anyone anymore.
“’Because we are all one family, how can you fine yourself?  The cops will be sent to sit under trees to ensure that no one chops them down. You know what these white people are like when you chop a tree down – they get more worked up about that than a bloody pothole.”
So are businesses within the municipal area effectively nationalized?
“Of course. And everyone is happy. More people support local now. I mean, I was at the Newcastle Mall on Thursday when I should have been at work and I only saw 109 people from Endumeni there. That’s a big improvement. It shows people would rather support their own.”
He added that Cyril Ramaphosa was so impressed by these progressive moves that he has sent a delegation out to Dundee to do a recce for a location for a new Burger King outlet.
“You see, how dynamic is that. One man one burger one Endumeni. Join the revolution.”’  He added that is place of mealies, Councillors will be issued with cheese burgers for lunch now and it hoped that only the finest beef produced in Dundee would be used.