My ‘hell’ at the hands of a verbally abusive husband – east woman
"There were times where I was not fine and felt like I could throw myself in the freeway and just die."
Lack of a job and the fact that she could not fall pregnant turned Mandisa’s* life upside down, ending in separation from her abusive husband.
Mandisa said the trouble started after her husband paid lobola for her in December 2012.
The 46-year-old victim of verbal/emotional abuse opened up to Rekord about her experience as South Africa commemorated the 16 days of activism for no violence against women and children campaign.
ALSO READ: VIDEO: Abuse survivor (64) feeding the homeless in Pta CBD
The annual campaign condemns violence against women and children and runs from 25 November until 10 December.
This year’s theme is #HearMeToo: end violence against women and children.
Mandisa said she and her husband initially lived in Sunnyside before moving to the west of Pretoria where all the trouble began.
They are now separated and she stays at a home for abused women and children in the Pretoria CBD.
“He started treating me differently and told me that if I wanted to leave, the door was always open. He left our marital bed and slept on the floor,” she said.
Mandisa said her husband started coming home late and when questioned he would shout and call her names.
“He would say he doesn’t want to live with me anymore because I do not have brains,” she said.
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Mandisa said she started feeling worthless because of how he spoke to her.
She said he would always emphasise on the fact that she was not working and could not give him a child.
“Last year June I came home to find him packing his things. He just left me just like that. There were times where I was not fine and felt like I could throw myself in the freeway and just die. It was hell,” she said.
Mandisa said the people who had given her hope to live and never give up are her four children and the people she prays with.
She said this year she asked him if they were still together and he told her he had moved on the day he left and wanted a divorce.
She said she has stayed in different places because she did not have any money and has been at the home for five months.
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Mandisa said when she met her husband “he was a nice, caring person and I never thought he would treat me like that”.
Her advice to other victims of abuse be it emotional, physical, sexual or in whichever form, was to “seek help and open up about your situation”.
“A person can abuse you today but the effects last longer.”
Mandisa also encouraged victims to go to church: “Once you are fine spiritually you become fine physically.”
To keep herself busy she does some painting, beadwork, go for sewing lessons and she is currently looking for a job.
Mandisa* is not her real name.
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