Polokwane expert highlights signs of emotional abuse

POLOKWANE – You see them at the shopping mall, smiling as they shop for groceries, holding hands at school events, or praying together at church. What you don’t see are the harsh words spoken in the dead of night, the name-calling, the threats, or the accusations.

One day, someone snaps, and the world is left asking, “Why? They seemed so happy…”

From November 25 to December 1, the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence highlights the various forms of abuse happening within households.

One often-overlooked form is emotional abuse, a hidden, devastating harm that leaves no visible marks but cuts deeply into a victim’s psychological well-being.

Polokwane Observer spoke with Philip Buys of Mind Craft Counselling & Coaching to explore the nature of emotional abuse, how to identify it, and what steps can be taken to address it.

“Emotional abuse doesn’t leave physical scars, but the psychological wounds can run deep,” Buys explains. “It’s a silent yet deeply harmful form of abuse that affects a person’s mental health in the long run.”

Victims often experience stress, depression, and even suicidal thoughts.

Emotional abuse frequently includes manipulative and isolating behaviours that trap the victim, stripping away their confidence and self-worth while allowing the abuser to maintain dominance in the relationship.

According to Buys, here are some red flags to watch for:

• Verbal abuse: Shouting, insulting, and using degrading language to intimidate or demean the victim.
• Control: Controlling the victim’s finances or dictating their personal choices, like clothing.
• Public humiliation: Embarrassing or belittling the victim in social settings to erode their confidence.
• Comparison: Constantly comparing the victim to others to diminish their self-esteem.
• Blame: Accusing the victim of causing all the relationship’s problems to instil guilt.
• Isolation and threats: Cutting the victim off from friends and family, stalking them, or threatening self-harm.
• Gaslighting: Making the victim doubt their feelings by dismissing them as overreactions.

“Over time, constant exposure to these behaviours can lead victims to internalise the abuse, resulting in self-blame and a diminished sense of self-worth. This creates a mental and emotional barrier, making it increasingly difficult for victims to break free,” Buys adds.

If you or someone you know is experiencing emotional abuse, Buys says it is important to seek help. Speaking with a counsellor, a trusted friend, or joining a support group can be the first step toward regaining self-worth and escaping an abusive situation.