Fidler in the Hood: Kimberley’s Big Hole comes to Uvongo

GREETINGS. They say no news is good news; in that case, I got plenty of nuttin’, and nuttin’ is plenty for me.’ But I do need ‘real, local’ news, folks, or I’ll be out of job.

Domestic arguments or fisticuffs are not acceptable, sorry! On with the show. Since becoming the Uvongo scribe, I’ve tried to promote the best of what Uvongo and the Hibiscus Coast have to offer: the pleasures of an easy-going lifestyle. It’s a great place to live – friendly people and a wonderful community spirit.

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Someone once hilariously awarded me the dubious title of ‘Uvongo’s finest ambassador’ for always presenting our little bit of paradise in a favourable light.

Thanks a lot, however, mes amis, that doesn’t mean I go around with my eyes wide shut.

Poor show

Many things really do get up my nostrils and I’m driven to despair at the sheer incompetence, laziness and poor service delivery we have to endure. Maybe, just maybe, those masquerading as municipal and local government public servants might actually do something and make our little town a place to be proud of.

In return, they’ll receive high praise and gratitude. After all, we pay rates and taxes, so it’s not asking too much to get something back in return. Agreed?

In a hole!

This week’s gripe is the worsening pothole situation. If I wanted to see Kimberley’s Big Hole, that below-ground-level monument to the South African diamond mining industry, I go to Kimberley, right?

I don’t expect the authorities there to ship the Big Hole to the South Coast, right? Wrong! I swear Uvongo has some ‘of the very finest, deepest Big Holes’ on its doorstep.

If you ‘locals’, or even tourists for that matter, want to see some super-duper craters if or when you call by at the Uvongo Municipal offices, have paid your bills, or unsuccessfully tried to get your allocation of black refuse bags, drive towards Pioneer Road, right behind Uvongo Spar.

Take care

There’s a real behemoth of a pothole as you dare venture out into the road. Take care, or else you’ll be going to one of those ‘business is booming’ local wheel-repair workshops to have your wheels whipped back into shape.

Welcome to the club, friends! When your jalopy hits the pothole, even trying to extricate your car from the ‘big hole’, just look back towards Uvongo’s municipal office complex, just 60 metres away. They don’t get it, nor want to see it. The mind boggles.

Monster crater

The next ‘must see’ pothole is a real whopper. This time, not the Big Hole, but our very own Oribi Gorge at the junction of Selvey Street and Lilliecrona Boulevard, fondly referred to as the ‘Boulevard of Broken Dreams’.

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Now, this pothole is not only deep, it’s at least three metres in length and has an even-lengthier tarmac bump – the width of Selvey Street itself. It forces the driver and car to purposely avoid hitting skid row. Now, this ‘beauty’ has been existent for at least a year, getting deeper, wider and worsening each day.

Gnashing teeth

It really is an ill-fitting swipe at our world-infamous road engineers. Water pipes leaking, making roads a challenge to drive on and it seems nobody gives a fig or a fertiliser.

The above referred-to potholes are my own personal bugbears; I’m sure readers have their ‘favourites’, which have caused much gnashing of teeth, hypertension, or having had to get your car’s aluminium wheels fixed for a pretty penny. Let’s hear from you!

Ugh, it’s Ugu!

Have you recently driven by the – wait for it: ‘Ug- Di-tri-t M-nicip-l’ offices on the road to Port Shepstone? When we arrived three years ago, we were pleasantly surprised at the state of the municipal offices: clean, smart, the lettering on the building sign gleaming, intact and not bad at all.

Because the Ballito offices had long ago fallen into a state of disrepair, we were suitably impressed with Ugu. Not any longer: It’s fallen into the same category and is now an eyesore.

What are they going to do about it – and the potholes, I say? More importantly, is anyone out there listening? On the brighter side however, once you’ve traversed potholes, parked near the Uvongo fishing pier, gazed at the setting and beyond towards the Pavilion, is there anywhere as lovely? Hmm, I’ll give it another week here.

Long John

Finally, I received a message from old mate Ray Money, to say he survived a rather traumatic, but successful operation at Port Shepstone Regional Hospital. He had not lost his sense of humour, signing off as ‘Long John Silver’. I duly reciprocated, signature of one ‘Jim Hawkins’. Make a speedy recovery, Ray, will try to see you soon. Same to all of you, Rob.