Fidler in the Hood: Distant relatives, Theresa May and a pinch of salt
They had attended a private dinner held by British PM Theresa May at her residence ‘Chequers’ the week before
GREETINGS, one and all. This week’s contribution to the neighbourhood news goes ‘international’ – No more parochial news asking why it takes months to have grass verges cut; potholes getting worse by the day, although the forthcoming bowls tournament at the Riverside Sports Club in Uvongo at the end of the month, will be making local headlines, for sure. But, for now, let the Bonus bask in its newfound fame.
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Meet Damon
Last week, your scribe and the CO were pleased to host a lunch for Damon Clark, resident of Gerrard’s Cross, Buckinghamshire, UK. Damon is some kind of distant relative, at least 30 times removed, however, family is family. Damon and his wife, Elizabeth are frequent visitors to South Africa. Damon liked football and was into politics in some way – the politics was never followed up on, but there has been many a debate on the glories of Manchester City and Damon’s local team Reading FC.
Flying visit
Damon popped down from Durban by private plane, piloted by Ron Mitchell (another relative) for a quick visit and lunch. Pleasantries over, Ron, as a matter of fact, mentioned that Damon and Elizabeth had attended a private dinner held by British Prime Minister Theresa May at her residence ‘Chequers’, only the week before. THE Chequers? Not the local supermarket chain of a similar name? The croissants offered seemed so inadequate.
Don’t forget the Hammonds
Damon is chairman of the Maidenhead constituency of the UK Conservative Party, which is PM Theresa May’s constituency. In recognition of his services to the PM and the party, the Clarks were invited to dinner, along with Philip Hammond, Chancellor of the Exchequer, his wife Susan, and a small number of friends of the Mays.
Brexit lowdown
The question was posed in a conspiracy tone: ‘Damon, is Brexit going to happen at the end of this month? Is it on or off’? Everyone knows the vote takes place in the House of Commons today (Wednesday, March 13th).
That’s the day this paper comes out and it will be a great scoop for the Bonus.’ Damon lent over and said ‘Keep this under your hat, but pass me the butter, please.”
Reading the answer between the croissants, your scribe swore to Damon that Theresa’s decisions would be kept secret. So, for the sake of queen and country and not forgetting the Hibiscus Coast, order your March 20 edition of the Bonus now in advance. The PM’s response will be there for all to read, but remember, you heard it here first. No clues, but here’s a tip: stock-up on your favourite biltong -now! Eat your heart out, George Henderson!
Great Expectations
Obviously, Damon has some political sway, but, it does have its limits. Inquiring from Damon whether he could get a ticket for the forthcoming FA Cup Final at Wembley, London, in May – and assuming Manchester City reach the final, he replied “Sorry, mate, no can do. I can get tickets for the upcoming bowls tournament at Riverside Sports Club in Uvongo though.” Well, if you don’t ask, you don’t get!
FUNdraising day
Now, friends, make a date in your diaries. The Riverside Sports Club in Uvongo will host a bowls fun day on Saturday, March 30th. The format will be ‘two-ball open trips’, with two sessions played over 12 ends. Whatever that means. It’s all for a good cause and proceeds will be donated to the ‘More balls than most’ Blue Drive. The entrance fee is R300 per team and includes afternoon tea, supper and early evening entertainment, featuring the exceptionally talented Winston Smile. A ‘must be there’ event. See you, Rob.
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