PHEW! After reading Jacques Pauw’s book The President’s Keepers, one can’t help seeing Michael Corleone as a saint.
Author Mario Puzzo’s ‘The Godfather’ had nothing on our own ‘don’, if Jacques is to be believed.
If you have seen the famous movie and its two sequels, close your eyes and picture all those ‘gumbahs’ (Italian slang for Americans of Italian descent, usually associated with the Mafia) kissing Marlon Brando’s or Al Pacino’s ring (on their respective fingers, of course).
Then try to transpose those movie legends’ faces into that of the laughing ‘ubaba’ that graces the cover of Jacques’ book, head slung back and guffawing.
Boy! What a movie that would make. The President’s Keepers is ‘just a novel’, many would say.
Journalists are also infamous for sensation and ‘not letting the facts get in the way of a good story’.
So, the jury is still out on the accuracy of some pretty damning stuff. And, if there is… EVERRRR any jury, its members will probably be ‘captured’ long before they have to pass judgement.
Our very own movie mogul, Anant Singh, is a shoo-in to produce the film, as he did the blockbuster ‘Long Walk to Freedom’ about our revered Madiba.
(It would probably be wishful thinking to suggest this new movie would be called: ‘Long Walk to Prison… again’!)
Who will play the leading role? English star Idris Alba made a pretty convincing Madiba, but one would really have to search far and wide to find anyone who remotely resembles the unique physique of our main character.
A quick Google search of ‘Zuma lookalikes’ was not very flattering and even included images of a Ninja Turtle and a watermelon.
So ‘makeup’ is going to have to pull out all stops here, possibly teaming up with ‘special effects’.
Hang on! He is going to retire from his present job shortly and he will probably be looking for something just as rewarding to maintain the life that he and his exxxxxtended family have become accustomed to.
Perhaps he can be persuaded to play himself? Think of it. He’s a talented guy. Sings on stage (‘Umshini Wami’), dances at his own traditional weddings (six – so well rehearsed) and television ratings go through the roof whenever he appears in Parliament.
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Movie stars are reputed to earn millions and he will get to rub shoulders with the likes of Charlize Theron.
“And the Oscar goes to (South Africans glued to ANN7)… me!
“I’d just like to thank…heh, heh, heh.”
Should President Jacob Zuma ever go into films (one never knows), he won’t be the first South African politician to have done so.
Rewind about 50 years.
His counterpart in the Inkatha Freedom Party, Mangosuthu Buthelezi, played the part of the victorious King Cetshawyo kaMpande whose Zulu ‘impis’ crushed the Brits at the famous battle of Rorke’s Drift.
There were malicious rumours at the time that the film company was paying the Zulu extras in cattle. This ‘tall tale’ was said to have been spread by shady apartheid era ‘spooks’ and would have been constituted as ‘fake news’ today. What’s changed?
So the producers of The President’s Keepers movie will have to be pretty convincing to assure audiences that nobody who lives in Saxonwold wrote the script.
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