Sue’s Views: Local shopping charades

It’s that time of year again, the school holidays where the roads are congested and the shopping centres even more so.  Now, I don’t know about you but traipsing around grocery shopping is not my idea of fun even out of season.

It’s time to come clean.  Do you recognise yourself in any of these categories?

Queue jumper

This really needs no explanation.  Their modus operandi is to casually saunter up to an acquaintance (tenuous acquaintance at that) with their loaded trolley and after a few salutary words attempt to wriggle their way into the queue.  This normally takes place when the store is jam-packed, with 25 till points and five till operators.

Personal space invader

Fetid body odour, smelly breath and just waaaaaay too close to you.  This shopper has no concept of personal space.  The hairs on the back of your neck tingle…..from their hot breath just millimetres away.  You move forward and in tandem, they move forward too. There is just no escaping them unless you are prepared to move queues.

The screamers

In this category folk, I may be in for some flack. It’s toddlers, those little delightful human beings who sit in the trolley with a soiled nappy and snot bubble that appears and disappears in rhythm with their screaming as they throw a temper tantrum.  Their screams reach an ear-splitting crescendo while the parent blissfully carries on shopping.

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 The hoverers

Here you have the shopper accompanied by a plethora of children and a surly spouse.  The children’s designated role is to loiter in shopping aisles, bored out of their minds, fiddling with and poking food items and generally blocking the way for other shoppers while the shopper and surly spouse have a heated argument over the contents of the trolley, with much dithering as to what should go into said trolley and what should remain on the shelf.

The jabberwocks

We all know them – Piet and his family from ‘Pitsonderwater’ on holiday at the coast.  Out shopping, they bump into a neighbour from their neck of the woods. The aisle is blocked as they exclaim ‘what a small world it is’ and take to catching up on all and sundry for a good 45 minutes.

Hobbit feet

The people in this category leave me squirming when I come across them, it’s those who feel it’s socially acceptable to go into a supermarket with bare feet.  Cruising past the deli section with their blackened hobbit feet slapping on the supermarket floor they trundle around the store picking up floor debris on their feet as they go.

The rammers

These are the shoppers who like to either nip the back of your heels with their trolleys to hurry you up or use the trolley as a battering ram to cut a swathe through the supermarket, often leaving bruised and battered fellow shoppers in their wake.

So the next time you see a woman stomping through one of the local shopping centres with a determined glint in her eye the chances are it’s me and I’m ashamed to admit it…… but I’m a rammer.

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