Last week we spoke about the physical and emotional benefits of social connectedness. Today we will cover some of the practical ways to improve that aspect of life.

Of the many resources out there, one I found particularly helpful is a blog by Wes Moss.

I will adapt this to incorporate some ideas of my own.  To begin with I must admit that I am somewhat of an introvert, so mixing and starting up conversations with strangers does not come naturally.  Thankfully my profession has given me a certain amount of self-confidence to interact with others.  But there are many people for whom connecting with strangers is actually stressful.  That doesn’t mean you should avoid social interaction, because fundamentally we all need to connect with people for our own mental and physical well-being.

With what has happened in the recent past in South Africa, there is a great deal of negativity with the destruction of property and infrastructure, as well as the effects this has had on our economy, already battered by COVID-19.  It is tempting to dwell on these negative subjects.  But, thankfully there is also a great deal of positivity through this whole experience.

1. Focus on the positive. There may be lots to talk about with regards to the chaos and disorder, but what is important is to look for the positive.  We are seeing more and more postings on the social media of communities rallying together to clean up; to volunteer for manning security road-blocks; to provide support to neighbours and shut-ins; to express appreciation to support staff and those who are bearing the brunt of keeping things running.  Besides, it gets tiresome to listen to someone who is always complaining about everything. We have seen the reality that it takes very little time and effort to destroy something that has taken years to build.  This can also happen with relationships and mental health.  
2. Be a good listener. The best way to get and keep a friend is to be interested in them and their lives.  If we only ever want to talk about ourselves, people lose interest.  Be willing to ask open ended questions, and be genuinely interested in their answers.
3. Have a confidante. We all need someone with whom we can confide and who is trustworthy enough not to share our secrets.  This may be a spouse or good friend.  This may be difficult in today’s culture where we live increasingly isolated lives.  We all talk more to ourselves through self-talk than with anyone else, but sometimes it is good to have an honest sounding-board to unload to and to give us perspective on our lives.
4. Have regular times for family conversation. Many families have split up – with children overseas or in different parts of the country.  Make regular appointments to connect over Skype or FaceTime.  Although not as fulfilling as physical contact, we can still see and hear each other.
5. Help others to stay connected. We may volunteer to help neighbours or folk in retirement homes – depending upon restrictions in place.  Keep your eyes and ears open for opportunities.  You could help out with Meals-on-wheels programmes or contact social workers to offer your services, or work with church welfare programmes.
6. Reach out to young people. Intergenerational relationships have traditionally been a vital part of society.  Unfortunately this practice is dying out, and young people are increasingly isolated from seniors, to their mutual detriment.  Being around youth keeps seniors engaged, and youth can learn so much from the experience and perspective of seniors.  Unfortunately the reality of sexual predation by a few pathological adults has inhibited healthy interactions, and certainly a responsible parent would be nervous of unsupervised private interrelationships. Seniors can still comfortably share their skills in the group situation.
7. Be open to spontaneous conversations as you move about. It may be with the supermarket cashier, or seat mate in the plane, or someone in the queue.  I had some fascinating conversations while standing in the 2,5 hour queue at Southcoast Mall last week.
8. Join a club where you can interact with people sharing your interests. This may be things like baking, sewing, photography, sports, radio-controlled car racing, etc..  You might want to start a group if one doesn’t exist for your passion.
9. Church attendance may provide meaningful connections. Many churches may be quite impersonal, but others will provide good social connections and a loving, supportive and friendly environment.
10. Reconnect with past friends. This last weekend I accidentally dialled an old friend I hadn’t spoken to in years, who happens to have the same first name as my son.  He phoned me the next morning to check up on the missed call, and we had a wonderful opportunity to reconnect.  We still have so much in common.
11. If you battle to connect with others, you may need professional help. A clinical psychologist may give you practical tools to help you.
12. Be sensitive to body language and social norms. There is a fine balance between being friendly and reaching out, and imposing yourself upon another. Move gently into a relationship and be aware of their time and responsibility constraints.  Don’t overstay your welcome.

Hopefully these will provide some pointers for you to expand your social connections and enhance emotional and physical well-being.

Kind regards,

Dave Glass

MBChB, FCOG(SA), DipIBLM

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