I sat with my thoughts for a long while before writing this. I thought about the women who have inspired me, the women who challenged the ideals that confined them, and those who have overcome obstacles to live their lives with dignity. Many of these women have been criticised for refusing to remain within the boundaries society created for them.
Then I began thinking about the women who have criticised me, the women whose words and actions caused me pain, the kind of pain that forced me into a confinement of my own. Women supporting women should not simply be a phrase we repeat. It should be a verb. It should be something we actively practise. Our actions should give meaning to those words.
From the time I was a little girl, there was an ambition inside of me that I could not fully understand. I read books that made me feel as if there was something more to life than what we were taught at school. Yet society often makes you feel as if there is something wrong with you when you do not follow the expected path.
I am blessed to have grown up surrounded by women who worked, supported their families, and accomplished things without needing a man beside them. They taught me independence, and most importantly, they never asked me to be anything other than myself.
I struggled for many years in different fields, trying to find where I belonged, until I started writing. It felt like emerging from a cocoon. My journey unfolded in a way I could never have imagined. It was not as easy as it may sound, but when I look back, I choose to focus on the beauty of finding my purpose.
By the time I was introduced to my partner’s family, I had already published two books in pursuit of my dreams; unfortunately, this became something to criticise because my earnings were less. I learned that sometimes women can become part of the very systems that limit other women. There is nothing wrong with choosing a different path in life. Being a homemaker, a career woman, an entrepreneur, or anything else does not determine a woman’s worth. The problem begins when we believe our own choices give us the right to diminish another woman’s.
I continued pursuing my dreams, and eventually my writing career grew. I moved from publishing poetry to writing for youth advocacy campaigns and contributing towards conversations around youth unemployment in our country. These opportunities brought media attention, but they also kept me grounded because I understood the struggles of being unemployed, judged, and feeling like you were not enough.
After that, I ventured into editing and publishing books, where I learned a great deal about the industry and about myself. I learned that kindness should never be mistaken for weakness. I also learned that building something of your own requires courage because not everyone will understand your vision.
Starting my own publishing company was where I truly began to flourish as a woman, but I also realised that my ambition could sometimes make others uncomfortable. I have always seen myself as a storyteller. I do not care for the titles that come with the work I do. I care about the stories I help bring into the world and the people I support along the way. However, I learned that there are times when women do not receive the same encouragement from other women that they so desperately need. Instead of being supported, they are sometimes made to feel as though their dreams are too big or their achievements are not enough.
I experienced what it felt like to have my work undervalued because I was younger and still building something of my own. I experienced what it felt like for someone to use their achievements as a reason to make me feel smaller. The most painful part was not the criticism itself, but that I eventually had to ask a man to intervene before I was treated with basic respect. That moment stayed with me because it raised a difficult question how can we ask society to value women if we do not value each other?
Women should encourage one another. We should support one another. We should celebrate one anothers achievements without seeing another womans success as a threat to our own.
I am not a perfect woman. I have made mistakes, and I continue to learn. But I am a woman who understands another womans pain because that pain exists within all of us in different ways. It is that shared understanding that connects us.
We should use our experiences to uplift the next woman, not to discourage her. We should not gossip, criticise or cast out women because their journey looks different from ours. Whether she is achieving more or less than us, her progress is not a reflection of our failure.
Her success is a reflection of what is possible for all women.
EKTA SOMERA
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