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Athletics
‘Running is a mental sport…and we’re all insane!’
Anon
‘Life is short… running makes it seem longer.’
Baron Hansen
Bowls
Once called ‘Old Man’s Marbles’, lawn bowls is a sport that can be played by anyone, whether you’re 6 years old or 100!
Boxing
‘To me, boxing is like a ballet – except there’s no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.’
Jack Handy
Canoeing
Kayakers roll over and do it again… swimmers just shrink.
Cricket
To me, it doesn’t matter how good you are. Sport is all about playing and competing. Whatever you do in cricket and in sport, enjoy it, be positive and try to win.
Ian Botham
Cycling
‘Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime. Teach a man to cycle and he will realise fishing is stupid and boring.’
Desmond Tutu
Darts
‘Some days you are the dart, some days you are the dartboard.’
Hockey
The golden hockey rule: do onto the other team before the other team does onto you.
Indoor Sports
Indoor sports arenas have revolutionised the way we play sport. No more cancelled matches due to bad weather!
Netball
Netball, giving a whole new meaning to the Three Second rule.
Rugby
The only sport where you can be kicked, smacked, tackled, punched, cleated and bitten and love every minute of it!
Soccer
‘The rules of soccer are very simple.
Basically it is this:
If it moves, kick it.
If it doesn’t move, kick it until it does.’
Phillip Woosnam
Squash
‘Squash is boxing with racquets.’
Jonah Barrington
Swimming
‘Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I’m swimming, sometimes I’m not sure which one it is.’
Demetri Martin
Tennis
A racquet sport in which two players compete to see who has the shortest temper, the worst memory, the poorest eyesight, and the slowest watch.
Badminton
There’s nothing bad about badminton. Make the feathers fly!
Surfing
‘There are a million ways to surf, and as long as you’re smiling you’re doing it right.’
Chess
‘Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.’
Savielly Tartakowe
Gymnastics
The only sport where people give you points for looking like you were tossed from a moving vehicle.
Sailing
‘Sailing, the art of slowly going nowhere at great expense.’
Pirate Batey
Shooting sports
‘Big shots are only little shots who keep shooting.’
Christopher Morley
Equestrian
‘Riding is the art of keeping a horse between yourself and the ground.’
Racing Cars
‘If everything seems under control, you’re not going fast enough.’
Mario Andretti
Water Sports
‘There are three sorts of people; those who are alive, those who are dead, and those who are at sea.’
Old Capstan Chantey attributed to Anacharsis, 6th Century BC
