10 strategies for dealing with toxic family members

It is important to understand the difference between a family relationship that has moments of tension and one that is toxic.

This is according to Megan Gonsalves, a crisis line and marketing manager at Netcare Akeso.

Gonsalves shares insight on navigating difficult family relations and avoiding conflict.

“Even in the most amicable family relationships, interpersonal issues can be difficult to navigate and it is to be expected that different personalities, communication styles and other dynamics between family members can result in conflict at some point,” said Gonsalves.

“Conflict can result in fear and anxiety, particularly around family gatherings where interaction with the person or people in question is inevitable. Some individuals may blame themselves or someone else for the state of a strained relationship and might avoid broaching the contentious issue.

“It is advisable, however, to try to resolve conflict through open communication.”

She says where it is unavoidable to interact with a family member that you simply cannot get along with, ‘it may be best to politely greet them and engage no more than is necessary while excusing yourself from conversations that you know are inflammatory or triggering’.

Here are 10 strategies for individuals in difficult family relationships:

1.     Mentally prepare yourself for the interaction
2.     Set and maintain boundaries
3.     Limit your expectations and practice acceptance of the things you cannot change
4.     Choose what information you share with the family member
5.     Be intentional in your interactions, for example, speak to someone neutral in the family
6.     Avoid trying to ‘fix’ things that do not involve you
7.     Try to have empathy for your family member’s experience while remaining self-compassionate
8.     Identify and acknowledge your own emotions through self-awareness
9.     Practise being calm, regulate your emotional reactions and manage your stress levels
10.     Give yourself permission to leave if you need to

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