How easily we fall into the ‘I am right’ trap
‘IT’S a restless hungry feeling
That don’t mean no one no good,
When everything that I am saying
You can say it just as good.
You are right from your side
And I am right from mine.
We’re both just one too many mornings
And a thousand miles behind.’
The words of one of the world’s great songwriter/poets, Bob Dylan, have a relevance far beyond the broken love affair he is singing about.
Actually, ‘singing’ is a bit of an over-statement for someone whose voice barely goes beyond a nasal whine – but there’s no gainsaying the fact that this song, One too many mornings, expresses a great source of human conflict: the failure of two parties to come to terms with their difference of opinions.
It’s an especially apt discussion in our country, where people come, as they say, from ‘different worlds’.
We are all conditioned by our upbringings.
Did you grow up in a mansion or a shack?
Did your parents speak with forgiveness or hatred?
Was the tone of the home spiritual or secular, or materialistic?
Was life a continuous struggle or one of living off the fat of the land?
Were your prospects of a proper education and then a job a given, or a distant dream?
Did you feel included or excluded from society at large; free or enslaved?
There are just so many factors that impact our perceptions and our realities, and it’s no surprise that we can’t agree on many issues.
If your upbringing, influences and experiences had been mine, and mine had been yours, then for all practical purposes you would be me, and I would be you.
And, of course, we all naturally assume that ‘my way’ is the right way, and ‘my opinion’ is the right opinion, and are disinclined to change that mindset regardless of circumstances.
While you can’t argue with a point of view – because that’s exactly what is – we should all understand that good communication does not necessarily mean agreeing.
It means that we comprehend and appreciate where the other person is coming from, and this understanding is the starting point to reconciliation and peace.
It doesn’t take a genius to know that we are all too quick to speak and judge, and too slow to stop and listen.
Just two minutes on the average social media page would confirm this.
Maybe we all need to take a step back, cool off, recalibrate our thinking and start afresh.
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