Social work student reflects on loss of her mother and becoming a caregiver

Kwa-Thema – Social work student steps up after mother’s death to care for siblings. Nonjabulo Mahlangu (22), a social work student, has opened up about the life-changing impact of her mother’s sudden passing and how it shaped her purpose and path.

Mahlangu believes she was called to become a social worker, explaining that she has always been drawn to listening to others share their problems. As the eldest of three siblings, she stepped into the role of caregiver, protector and provider at a young age.

With little to no meaningful support from her stepfather, she had to raise funds for her younger sister’s education while juggling the demanding pressures of university life.

“My relationship with my stepfather was not good. There were harsh words exchanged between him and my mother the day she died,” she said.

“I was angry, but I also wanted to avoid drama and give her a dignified burial.”

She recalls her mother’s death as sudden and unexpected.

“Everything happened in one day. It was her first time in hospital. She had been ill only briefly. She complained of feeling cold and had lost her appetite, but she always said it was probably early menopause.

“She was only 41 years old.”

Her mother’s passing left her emotionally distraught and, as she describes, a workaholic.

“I’m constantly trying to stay busy. I can’t allow myself spare time because then I end up crying.”

Mahlangu said many aspects of her life changed after her mother’s death, forcing her to take responsibility for things she previously took for granted.

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She now faces financial strain as she provides for herself and her siblings.

“I face ongoing financial pressure. My siblings need Christmas clothes and new school uniforms for Grade Eight.

“I have to make sure they continue receiving the best education. I’m 22 years old with two kids, essentially. I’ve had to take on adult responsibilities early,” she explained.

Despite the challenges, she remains committed to her studies while staying present for her siblings.

“They took our mother’s passing very hard and started showing behavioural issues at home. They were extremely close to her, so I had to stay strong for them, but also show my vulnerability. Pretending to be fine creates distance. Children can’t connect with someone who seems unaffected by their pain.

“I needed them to understand that our mother is still with us in spirit and that she sees their behaviour.”

In addition to supporting her service users as a student social worker, Mahlangu also offers emotional support to her siblings on a daily basis.

“I counsel them the same way I would any of my clients. I want to make sure they are emotionally well.”

Her mother’s parting words continue to inspire her.

“She always told me to carry on with my studies if anything ever happened to her. My lecturers were incredibly supportive. They gave me time to grieve and arranged sessions with the school psychologist when I returned.

“They still remind me of how far I’ve come,” she said.

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Now just four months away from completing her qualification, Mahlangu says the end goal keeps her focused.

“My situation has shaped the kind of social worker I want to be – one who cares deeply about mental health and protecting vulnerable children.

“So many social issues stem from how a person was raised and supported during childhood.”

Her message to others going through similar hardships is clear: never give up.

“I’m proud of my siblings and the respect they show me. They’ve made it easier for me to take care of them,” she added.