Dr Hebron Mazibuko is an ACRP accredited religious professional.
He is a premarital and post-marital marriage therapist and marital enrichment speaker who has been a counsellor for the past 18 years in KwaThema and on various radio stations.
He holds a doctorate of ministry, Bachelor’s degree in counselling, Bachelor of Divinity and MA, Dipth and Dipmin from various schools and universities.
Hebron is a full-time pastor and theological seminary lecturer.
He works in KwaThema and Mpumalanga.
He will be discussing marital issues in a new monthly column in the African Reporter.
This month, Mazibuko talks about cohabitation.
The living together life
Cohabitants tend not to be as committed as married couples, or prepared to work on their differences.
It is unusual for cohabitation to last more than five years.
Married couples have substantial benefits over the unmarried in terms of productivity, health and happiness.
Sliding into marriage
We want to encourage our young people to make intelligent decisions about entering into marriage.
Cohabitation (living like husband and wife) produces what is termed “relationship inertia”.
The central idea of relationship inertia is that some couples, who otherwise would not have married, end up married partly because they cohabit and believe they may as well live together to save on expenses or some other meaningless reason.
This leads to them saying, “We may as well marry.”
They slide into decisions rather than positively making them.
Therefore, it is easier to slide out of these decisions.
Research shows these people tend to slide into marriage (a negative approach or at best inertia), rather than deciding (a positive, deliberate decision) to marry implemented by non-cohabiting individuals.
Research shows that the cohabiting couples who slide into marriage separate and divorce more readily, as they have not made as conscious a decision to marry in the first place.
Because of my work in marriage and family areas, I keep abreast of the latest research and facts.
Progressively more is coming to light to validate our moral code.
I have listed the findings of some of the latest research on the ill-effects of cohabitation outside of marriage.
I trust they will be helpful for you in gently and wisely helping couples in our communities.
Facts on cohabitation before marriage
• Cohabitation doesn’t reduce the likelihood of divorce; in fact it leads to a higher divorce rate.
One study showed it has a 46 per cent higher risk than the normal divorce rate.
• No positive contribution of cohabitation to marriage has ever been found, not even sexual compatibility, as usually suggested.
• Cohabitants tend not to be as committed as married couples, or prepared to work on their differences.
Generally it is unusual for cohabitation to last more than five years.
• Sixty per cent of cohabitation relationships end in marriage.
• In general, cohabitation relationships tend to be less satisfactory than married relationships, with cohabiting couples reporting lower levels of happiness, lower levels of sexual exclusivity and sexual satisfaction and poorer relationships with parents.
• Cohabitation has been consistently associated with poorer marital communications, lower marital satisfaction, higher levels of domestic violence and a greater probability of divorce.
• After five years, only 10 percent of cohabiting couples are together. Their relationships do not tend to permanency.
• Many cohabiting couples waste their young adulthood in relationships going nowhere.
It may contribute to later pregnancies than personally wanted, and research has shown cohabiting relationships are becoming more unstable and less likely to lead to marriage.
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