Toughlove talks about divorce

The “D” word – Divorce is hard-hitting and life-changing for both people involved but it also has a ripple effect on children, family members, friends and colleagues.

Toughlove board chairperson Chantal Grotto provided some advice, with the help of guide.org.za, to help families adjust to divorce.

“For children, separation and divorce can be an especially sad, stressful and confusing time. But, there are ways to help your children cope with the upheaval of a breakup,” Grotto explained.

“Though divorce can be painful and stressful, it never needs to get to the point of being nasty or ugly. With this in mind, the ultimate resolution is to try and ensure that an amicable approach is a primary aim serving a peaceful knock-on effect to those involved.”

• Helping your child through a divorce
Children may feel shocked, uncertain or angry. Some may even feel guilty and blame themselves for the problems at home. Your patience, reassurance and listening ear can minimise tension as your children learn to cope with unfamiliar circumstances.

• How to tell children about divorce
When it comes to telling children about divorce, many parents freeze. Make the conversation a little easier on both yourself and your children by preparing what you’re going to say before you sit down to talk.

• What to say and how to say it
Give your children the benefit of an honest but child-friendly explanation.
Tell the truth. Pick something simple and honest, like “We can’t get along anymore.”
Say “I love you.” However simple it may sound, letting your children know that your love for them hasn’t changed is a powerful message.

• Avoid blaming
It’s vital to be honest with your children, but without being critical of your spouse. This can be especially difficult when there have been hurtful events, such as infidelity, but with a little diplomacy, you can avoid playing the blame game.

• Help your child grieve the divorce
Divorce can feel like an intense loss—the loss of a parent, the loss of a family unit or simply the loss of a life they knew. You can help your children grieve their loss and adjust to new circumstances by helping them express their emotions.

To learn more about divorce and how to handle the effects of it, Toughlove is a programme group that gives support and help to individuals and families in crisis.

Benoni Toughlove support group offers two groups:
• Benoni Farrarmere every Wednesday at 18:00 at 12 Chaucer Street, Connexions Church
• Benoni City every second Friday at 13:00 at Benoni Methodist Church on 26 Bunyan Street- entrance on Cranbourne Avenue

Contact Grotto on 082 372 3039 or email toughlovebenoni@gmail.com for more information about joining the groups.

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