Parents suffering abuse at the hands of their children

Many women suffer abuse at the hands of men they trust and love – men who are their sons, not their husbands.

In June President Cyril Ramaphosa condemned the surge of murders of women and children by calling on all South Africans to end the culture of silence around gender-based violence (GBV) and report perpetrators.

Recently, the Advertiser received numerous complaints from women who are abused by their children to a point that they’ve ended up in hospital.

Fifty-eight-year-old Nthabiseng Hlankana from Ramaphosa informal settlement became a victim of abuse at her own house after her 30-year-old son attacked her with a screwdriver following an argument about cooking.

He stabbed her in the forehead and hit her in the neck before she fell to the ground. She was admitted to Tambo Memorial Hospital, where she received medical attention. Hlankana opened a case of assault with the intent to cause grievous bodily harm (GBH) last year January against her son at the Reiger Park SAPS. The son was subsequently arrested in February and is awaiting sentencing.

Another woman (52) from Ramaphosa informal settlement, who we will call Nancy, opened a case of intimidation related to domestic violence at the Reiger Park SAPS after her son threatened to kill her.

According to the Reiger Park SAPS acting spokesperson, Sgt Phathela Mashudu, on January 6 at about 6.15am while she was sleeping, her 24-year-old son banged the door down and demanded food.

“His father gave him money to go buy fat cakes and he took the money and left. Later on, when he returned his father asked him for change. He became angry and started swearing at them,” Mashudu said.

The son allegedly called his mother derogatory names and threatened to kill her and his father. He told them he was going to burn them inside the house and they were going to die like dogs.

He appeared in the Boksburg Magistrate’s Court on February 2 and the matter was postponed to February 16. The accused is out on bail.

Speaking to the Advertiser at her home recently, Nancy (not her real name) explained that when her son was released from prison last year following his arrest for assault, she was happy and thought he had been rehabilitated and had changed.

“Out of excitement, his father and I bought him a shack and furniture as a welcome gift after his release to show him that we love him. He behaved for a few months but got back to his old tendencies of ill-treating me,” she said.

The devastated woman said the abuse got to a point that her house didn’t feel safe anymore. She was even admitted to hospital for depression and her husband for meningitis.

Department of Social Development
The Department of Social Development’s deputy communication director, Busi Kheswa, has shared that their Boksburg service office doesn’t receive many reported cases of abuse.

“Experience is that most parents want to treat violence as a family matter, thus are reluctant to report it. An act of violence is a criminal offence and depends on the age of the concerned ‘child’. They can be charged and sentenced. In this instance, social workers on the request of court can provide reports which will advise the court on the appropriate sentence and intervention,” Kheswa said.

Abused parents are provided with counselling from the Department of Social Development and they are also referred for psychological assessment and intervention in the case of severe trauma.

“Conferencing can also be conducted in assessing the underlying triggers of the violent behaviour,” Kheswa said.

Boksburg Child Welfare

Director of Boksburg Child Welfare Vanessa Naidoo-Pillay said when parents experience any type of abuse from their children aged 18 years and below, they can report the matter to an organisation rendering child protection services in their area.

“When a parent reports such a matter to the Boksburg Child Welfare, the social service worker will conduct a risk assessment and a holistic investigation inclusive of a psychosocial assessment and evaluation is conducted on the family system to identify factors that may be contributing to the violence against the parent or siblings,” Naidoo-Pillay said.

Boksburg Child Welfare works with a multidisciplinary team, so depending on the outcome of the investigation and assessment social workers would provide counselling and mediation services for the family as well as a referral for therapy or assessment with a psychologist or psychiatrist when the social worker sees the need. So far, there are no new cases that have been reported for abuse of family members.

“We are, however, in some of our offices still working on pre-existing cases. When a family member comes through to report being abused by their adult child we advise them to open a case at the police station, to get a protection order and if need be, we transfer them for counselling to organisations such as POWA for abused women,” Naidoo-Pillay said.

ToughLove SA has provided a few tips on how you can help an older adult who is being abused.
Ask specific questions:
• How are you doing?
• Are you having trouble at home?
• Is someone hurting you?
• Can I help you?
• Do you feel isolated?
• Are you allowed to make decisions for yourself?
• Who makes decisions for you?
Do the following:
• Believe the person – do not deny or underestimate what is going on.
• Listen without judging – let them know you care and respect their decision-making.
• Help them understand what older adult abuse includes and why it happens.
• Help them understand their rights.
• Encourage them to seek help from police services or counselling to cope with the effects of abuse and self-esteem issues issues.

Also Read: Boksburg Child Welfare reaches out for urgent support

Also Read: Kidz Clinic shares tips on how women and children can protect themselves from abuse