Social worker weighs in on the importance of a father figure

As someone who works closely with vulnerable children and also grew up without a father, St Francis Care Centre social worker Hlekani Sebaiwa has firsthand experience of the deep and lasting impact an absent father figure can have on a child’s development.

“I urge fathers to realise that their involvement matters more than they think. Bond with your children from the beginning. I have witnessed children struggling with emotional, behavioural, and developmental issues that often trace back to a missing paternal presence.

“The role of a father in a child’s life is critical from the earliest stages, even from the womb. A father’s presence, or lack thereof, can shape a child’s choices, values, and hope for the future.

“When that presence is absent, we see children developing challenges in forming their identity, especially boys who struggle with their sense of masculinity and purpose. Many face delays in emotional regulation, school performance, social skills, and mental health.

“We have a child in our care whose mother was using drugs. The father, who lives in KwaZulu-Natal, found out about the situation and is now contacting the child. This had an extremely positive impact on the child.

“Another child witnessed his father physically abuse his mother and is now doing the same to others because that is what he knows,” she said.

Sebaiwa said they had children return at 21, long after leaving our care, to ask: Who am I? Where are my parents?

“That longing does not go away; it lingers, influencing life choices and self-worth. We also see cycles of poverty, substance abuse and crime rooted in these emotional voids.”

The social worker said most of the children who get adopted come from families without a father present.

“One of the most heartbreaking trends is that many children placed in our care come from hospitals where mothers – often young, single and unsupported – cannot raise them, and fathers are absent, untraceable or unwilling to take responsibility.”

Yet, Sebaiwa believes in resilience.

“My life is proof that with strong support, especially from a loving mother and aunt, a child can rise above difficult circumstances.

“We also need more awareness, social workers in schools, and more support systems to break these generational cycles.

“Together, we can create a better future—not just for individual children, but for our society as a whole.”

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